I just wanna stop.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kaechan, Sep 10, 2009.

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  1. kaechan

    kaechan Member

    For the past few weeks I have just felt like I make people's lives miserable......It seems to one particular person if I come with troubles, I ruin their entire day. I have no one to talk to expect my doctor I see. She helps. But sometimes...that isn't enough.

    This person and just how things are going...
    I just wanna force myself to stop breathing and feel my last heart beat.

    But I am so terrified of physical pain. I never ever attempted to cut or harm myself, I am so afraid of the pain. But I know the pain of the inside. No matter what I do...I always seem to mess it up...

    I am physically and mentally disabled. I can't get a job and presue what I want in life, because I am so sick. I...feel like an old woman, because my body is so tired and my parents have to help me with everything because I am not able.

    This person said , "Screw what the doctors say you can do it AND get out there." they'll never understand.

    Like in my facebook recent status...I don't know if I am going to live up to my 20th birthday next Wednesday....

    When I cry for help to this person they don't listen, they say they can't help.

    I have dedicated my life to help others in this situation. But now I am seriously in a suicide spell. I can't tell my parents, they threaten to put me in the mental hospital. I went there once. I hated it.

    Why can't things go right for me for once? When I try my hardest?

    I'll say this now, I'd be willing to take anyone's place that is dying or is about to die.

    I...don't deserve to live...

    Why do I say this?

    Cause when I tell my friends this, they call me crazy and just leave. "If you wanna think that ok, can't stop you."

    ....*shakes head*

    Thanks for anyone who reads this and has compassion. I feel like they're aren
    't anymore people who care now of days.

    Why is it so terrible for a person to suffer from this illness? We are not complaining, we are not whining, we are truly suffering...

    Thanks Again,

    Kae-Chan ~
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    You do deserve to live. You're not crazy; you're just hurting, and there's a big difference!! I'm sorry your friends can't see this, and that they feel the need to walk away.
  3. kaechan

    kaechan Member

    The only friends who listen are people I know online. It's just...sometimes not the same.

    How can your friends just keep passing by your cries of help and seem happy not talking to you?
    Do they ever confront you about it? Most likely no.
    Here is me writing suicidal statues on facebook.
    And them like "I'm hungry" and going about their lives and talking to their other friends who comment their status.

    I just...
    I don't wanna lose this friend...but he's killing me...the way he treats me...
    And if I die....maybe, he'll finally realize the pain I am in.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 10, 2009
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Kaechen,

    welcome to the forum!
    I'm glad your doctor is helping. Could you ask her to refer you to a therapist? It might make all the difference.
    I'm here if you need another friend :D :hug:
  5. kaechan

    kaechan Member

    My doctor is a therapist.
  6. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Stop posting stuff on facebook. Stop posting your feelings of the time. Theres no point. I used to do that to, like put up deep lyrics from a song, that relates to my life but then I realized all along nobody gave a fuck. I looked at it from the outside view. When I realized this, it sort of helped me see through. It helped me see that there is no sympathy for the dead, and you have to move on by yourself, or you can keep posting emo crap on facebook for all the normal people to see, and then watch yourself be ignored.

    I remember my first stay at a mental hospital. Not going to lie, it was quite an adventure, but I hated it. They trap you in a room with yourself, to battle it out with your thoughts for days in a row, lying on a bed. Just so you can regain feelings of missing life, and wanting to go back.

    good luck
  7. kaechan

    kaechan Member

    No offense but, what you said just made my heart break, what else am I supposed to do? Keep my emotions bottled up inside? Sometimes it helps to just post all your heart out, by doing that I fell a little comfort. Even if no body cares, so what? I just want to get my feelings out.
    And I am not being an emo nor am I posted emo messages, I am hurt and in pain. :(

    EDIT : Sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. *sighs* I'm just going through a lot right now, thanks for the input.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2009
  8. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    I need to apologize.Sorry, I guess I was being too cruel, and at the time I was a bit aggrovated when I posted. I should stop now.
  9. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    I need to apologize. Sorry, I guess I was too cruel. I was a bit aggrovated at the time when I posted that. I should stop now.
  10. kaechan

    kaechan Member

    Thank you I accept your apology :)!

    *sighs* My birthday is a day away...hmm.
  11. Anonymous11

    Anonymous11 Member

    You do deserve to live. Most people don't know how to deal with a suicidal friend and I have to say we guys are probably the worst of them unless you have been there its impossible to understand what it feels like. Although I probably can't begin to know the suffering you've been through I can tell you that i understand how it feels when someone you love becomes alienated because they can't understand.

    Just know that there are a lot of compassionate people out there even though it often doesn't seem like it. They just seem to be a little harder to find these days I have found quite a few on this site though and im sure you will also :)

    If you ever need someone to talk to please private message me.

    Please take care of yourself and remember that you DO deserve to live.
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