i wish there's a way out , from a process just from depression to diagnosis with servial mental illness . i waited and waited , i followed the guide and every single step they asked me to take , i took the pills as they required , i attend group and thearpy even i was extremely anxious , i listen and i speak , about my problem and their suggestion , what did i get ? my life is even more fuck up . sometime i wonder if i never get admitted into the hospital would all this shit happen to me , or if it is just me being a childish ,selfish bitch ,hurting everyone around me. i thought things couldnt get any more worse ,i was wrong . just one attampt to escape , i made the error i can never fix. and it is all my fault . spending 5 hours per day in bath , the rest sleeping and in depressed mode , unwilling to do anything unless on sugar rush , college is the only thing that could get me up and about , and i m missing lesson regularly . having agression verbal outburst randomly , flashbacks and nightmare . constant panic attack , the fact that knowing it is your own fault really doesnt help and you are burden with guilt and pains . yes , that is how my lifes going to get. failure , i tried and i tried , and i m fed up , i m tired of being tired , i m tired of being such a failure , i m tired of bring pains to all those around me , i m tired of constant panic attack , i m tired of knowing there isnt aything to look forward to in my furture , i m tired of pains , tired of suffering . i m tired of myself . i just want a way out . i wishes there's a way out .