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I just want die

-L-

Well-Known Member
#1
I'm 26 years old and I really want it all to end. I have always believed that I have Asperger's, I am 100% sure, the symptoms that I suffer from them are:
  • zero social skills
  • Difficulty understanding the ulterior motives of others
  • Not many psychomotor skills (clumsy walking for example)
  • hypersensitivity to certain stimuli such as noise or light
  • it causes me a lot of anxiety if my routine is altered
  • exaggerated irritability
  • restricted interests
Apart from asperger's, I have health problems, which, although not extremely serious, reduce my quality of life:
  • For a few years I have had certain deformities in the fingers of my hands, which make it difficult for me to do many things such as typing on the keyboard.
  • I have had severe and chronic insomnia for almost 4 years, it is horrible, I have been 5 days in a row without sleeping at all, it is torture, I have tried many medications and either they do not help or I wake up dizzy and drugged. This greatly affects my work.
  • Irritable bowel, I am almost always with a stomach ache, even at night (this increases my insomnia)
  • I have OCD, I also take medication for it but everything causes me a lot of anxiety, for example I have a problem with the computer that I can't solve, and I spend 90% of the time researching it, with a lot of anxiety.
I hate myself, I have absolutely no qualities, I am the most ugly boy you can imagine, I have a lot of trouble concentrating, I have really low IQ, everything costs me a lot more than others and it causes me a lot of frustration. It frustrates me since everyone has to help me all the time at work , I hate having a low IQ.

I cannot normally socialize with others or maintain friendships or relationships, I am condemned to be alone. I also have certain sexual problems, which would also make it difficult for me to have a partner.
When I was 18 I was admitted to mental health because I tried to commit suicide <mod edit -methods> now I am 26 and nothing has changed except that now I have more problems than before, when I was 18 I had no serious insomnia problems or problems with my hands. Why continue? I do not enjoy life, I have absolutely no qualities and I cannot relate to others.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
I'm 26 years old and I really want it all to end. I have always believed that I have Asperger's, I am 100% sure, the symptoms that I suffer from them are:
  • zero social skills
  • Difficulty understanding the ulterior motives of others
  • Not many psychomotor skills (clumsy walking for example)
  • hypersensitivity to certain stimuli such as noise or light
  • it causes me a lot of anxiety if my routine is altered
  • exaggerated irritability
  • restricted interests
Apart from asperger's, I have health problems, which, although not extremely serious, reduce my quality of life:
  • For a few years I have had certain deformities in the fingers of my hands, which make it difficult for me to do many things such as typing on the keyboard.
  • I have had severe and chronic insomnia for almost 4 years, it is horrible, I have been 5 days in a row without sleeping at all, it is torture, I have tried many medications and either they do not help or I wake up dizzy and drugged. This greatly affects my work.
  • Irritable bowel, I am almost always with a stomach ache, even at night (this increases my insomnia)
  • I have OCD, I also take medication for it but everything causes me a lot of anxiety, for example I have a problem with the computer that I can't solve, and I spend 90% of the time researching it, with a lot of anxiety.
I hate myself, I have absolutely no qualities, I am the most ugly boy you can imagine, I have a lot of trouble concentrating, I have really low IQ, everything costs me a lot more than others and it causes me a lot of frustration. It frustrates me since everyone has to help me all the time at work , I hate having a low IQ.

I cannot normally socialize with others or maintain friendships or relationships, I am condemned to be alone. I also have certain sexual problems, which would also make it difficult for me to have a partner.
When I was 18 I was admitted to mental health because I tried to commit suicide <mod edit - methods> now I am 26 and nothing has changed except that now I have more problems than before, when I was 18 I had no serious insomnia problems or problems with my hands. Why continue? I do not enjoy life, I have absolutely no qualities and I cannot relate to others.
*hug*console*sadhug*shake
 
Last edited by a moderator:

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#4
I'm 26 years old and I really want it all to end. I have always believed that I have Asperger's, I am 100% sure, the symptoms that I suffer from them are:
  • zero social skills
  • Difficulty understanding the ulterior motives of others
  • Not many psychomotor skills (clumsy walking for example)
  • hypersensitivity to certain stimuli such as noise or light
  • it causes me a lot of anxiety if my routine is altered
  • exaggerated irritability
  • restricted interests
Apart from asperger's, I have health problems, which, although not extremely serious, reduce my quality of life:
  • For a few years I have had certain deformities in the fingers of my hands, which make it difficult for me to do many things such as typing on the keyboard.
  • I have had severe and chronic insomnia for almost 4 years, it is horrible, I have been 5 days in a row without sleeping at all, it is torture, I have tried many medications and either they do not help or I wake up dizzy and drugged. This greatly affects my work.
  • Irritable bowel, I am almost always with a stomach ache, even at night (this increases my insomnia)
  • I have OCD, I also take medication for it but everything causes me a lot of anxiety, for example I have a problem with the computer that I can't solve, and I spend 90% of the time researching it, with a lot of anxiety.
I hate myself, I have absolutely no qualities, I am the most ugly boy you can imagine, I have a lot of trouble concentrating, I have really low IQ, everything costs me a lot more than others and it causes me a lot of frustration. It frustrates me since everyone has to help me all the time at work , I hate having a low IQ.

I cannot normally socialize with others or maintain friendships or relationships, I am condemned to be alone. I also have certain sexual problems, which would also make it difficult for me to have a partner.
When I was 18 I was admitted to mental health because I tried to commit suicide <mod edit -methods> now I am 26 and nothing has changed except that now I have more problems than before, when I was 18 I had no serious insomnia problems or problems with my hands. Why continue? I do not enjoy life, I have absolutely no qualities and I cannot relate to others.
Even if you are certain of having Asperger's, it's still recommended to visit a therapist who is specialized in autistic disorders for proper treatments and supports.

Social skills can be learned, though they can be just as hard as calculus, but that depends on each person.

I can guarantee to you that the motives of most people are about their physical and mental needs, such as getting food and having friends. These motives are not quite hidden since there are non-verbal gestures that you can learn to read as a social skill.

IQ, even SAT and GPA scores, are no longer something that is important as it used to be 10 or 5 years ago. IQ tests are limited to visual patterns and maths, thus are not really accurate or reliable to measure logical abilities of a person. Now, almost every employer talk about emotional intelligence, resilience against adversities, creativity, adaption abilities, etc. All of these can be learned, similar to social skills.

It takes time but it's possible to have a happy life.
 

-L-

Well-Known Member
#6
Hi @-L-, I am sorry you’re doing so badly. It sounds like things are very difficult for you. Do you have family around? Are you seeing a therapist? I am glad you came here to talk to us.
No, I am home alone 99% of the time. And honestly I prefer it, I can't stand my mother.

I'm seeing a psychiatrist, taking medication for OCD and sleeping.
 

-L-

Well-Known Member
#7
Even if you are certain of having Asperger's, it's still recommended to visit a therapist who is specialized in autistic disorders for proper treatments and supports.

Social skills can be learned, though they can be just as hard as calculus, but that depends on each person.

I can guarantee to you that the motives of most people are about their physical and mental needs, such as getting food and having friends. These motives are not quite hidden since there are non-verbal gestures that you can learn to read as a social skill.

IQ, even SAT and GPA scores, are no longer something that is important as it used to be 10 or 5 years ago. IQ tests are limited to visual patterns and maths, thus are not really accurate or reliable to measure logical abilities of a person. Now, almost every employer talk about emotional intelligence, resilience against adversities, creativity, adaption abilities, etc. All of these can be learned, similar to social skills.

It takes time but it's possible to have a happy life.
The problem is that in Spain it is very difficult to obtain an Asperger diagnosis, at least in public health, psychiatrists really care very little about their patients, they only serve to prescribe pills.

Regarding intelligence, I have not done any IQ test, I just notice it when I do some fairly complex task, for example at work, studying was the same, and i have always had this problem.
 

LOSTINSIGHT

Well-Known Member
#8
The problem is that in Spain it is very difficult to obtain an Asperger diagnosis, at least in public health, psychiatrists really care very little about their patients, they only serve to prescribe pills.

Regarding intelligence, I have not done any IQ test, I just notice it when I do some fairly complex task, for example at work, studying was the same, and i have always had this problem.
Phyciatrists are trained as medical drs ,if the drugs aren't doing what they are supposed to ,they need to know .maybe there's meds that better suit you or less side affects .
Was your sensory sensitivity worse or better before meds ?.
Me personally, I have an intolarance to noise after coming off a med that I never had before.i was self medicating anxiety and a personality "disorder" unconsciously for many years before .
Total respect to you .
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#9
i'm sorry you still are doing poorly @-L- . it will help a lot if you get the right meds at the right dosage. the only way that can happen is if you and your doctor/psychiatrist work together. if they don't listen then make sure they understand. if they won't listen then look for someone who will. my doctor and i sometimes disagree but he listens and tries to help me.

as for your iq or intelligence that's a different story. i am more intelligent than some and less intelligent than others. what matters is if you can function ok. there are many mind building games online that will sharpen your mind. also if you don't use your mind constantly it does become a little less sharp. and of course make sure you don't have add or adhd. there are meds to help if you do.

as for socializing it takes a little practice to socially interact with people. for me it's difficult at times. but i do well when talking about antique cars , so i suggest you start by talking with people that share your interest. as for sexual issues most things can be taken care of with meds or medical attention. i have had problems in the past due to meds so every time it happened my doctor adjusted or changed my meds.

there is nothing that you can't overcome with help. and you are not alone you have us. anytime you want/need to talk feel free to use my inbox.

mike...*hug*shake*shake
 

-L-

Well-Known Member
#10
Phyciatrists are trained as medical drs ,if the drugs aren't doing what they are supposed to ,they need to know .maybe there's meds that better suit you or less side affects .
Was your sensory sensitivity worse or better before meds ?.
Me personally, I have an intolarance to noise after coming off a med that I never had before.i was self medicating anxiety and a personality "disorder" unconsciously for many years before .
Total respect to you .
I've tried a ton of different medications already, there are no more sleep medications I haven't tried.

I have tried benzos and antidepressants, benzos are horrible, they generate dependency and tolerance very fast.

When I took benzos, after several days of taking it they no longer did anything to me, and if I did not take them I would have severe anxiety attacks, I no longer take benzos for that.

My psychiatrist does not know what to prescribe, so he prescribed two benzos together to sleep, obviously I have not taken it. In fact, in the same leaflet it indicates that they should not be used for the long term due to the dependence they generate.
 

-L-

Well-Known Member
#11
i'm sorry you still are doing poorly @-L- . it will help a lot if you get the right meds at the right dosage. the only way that can happen is if you and your doctor/psychiatrist work together. if they don't listen then make sure they understand. if they won't listen then look for someone who will. my doctor and i sometimes disagree but he listens and tries to help me.

as for your iq or intelligence that's a different story. i am more intelligent than some and less intelligent than others. what matters is if you can function ok. there are many mind building games online that will sharpen your mind. also if you don't use your mind constantly it does become a little less sharp. and of course make sure you don't have add or adhd. there are meds to help if you do.

as for socializing it takes a little practice to socially interact with people. for me it's difficult at times. but i do well when talking about antique cars , so i suggest you start by talking with people that share your interest. as for sexual issues most things can be taken care of with meds or medical attention. i have had problems in the past due to meds so every time it happened my doctor adjusted or changed my meds.

there is nothing that you can't overcome with help. and you are not alone you have us. anytime you want/need to talk feel free to use my inbox.

mike...*hug*shake*shake
As for intelligence, no, I cannot function well, absolutely everything that is mental takes 20 times longer than the others, I notice it in my work, I noticed it when I studied, in everything. To that, add not being able to sleep, or the side effects of some medications.
 

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