i just want her to leave me alone

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by undercoverlover, Apr 27, 2013.

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  1. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    my ex girlfriend was very abusive, especially when needing to isolate me all the time from my friends and family and getting jealous when i get compliments. she wouldnt let me have compliments or friends and blamed all her feelings, problems, and wrongdoings on me. everything was about her and never about me or the both of us. when i got back from the hospital after my suicide attempt she didnt comfort me but instead whined about how it "was all her fault" but proceeded to do nothing about it or fix her actions. she was very hypersensitive and has also has straight up called me a liar and says i dont respect her when i do and have never lied to her. she'd often punish me for spending time with friends or even eating dinner, as long as it wasnt time with her.
    im glad im out of that relationship. although now shes saying that this breakup will cause her to commit suicide/relapse/be admitted to the hospital and im just trying to remind myself thats bullshit and what she does is her responsibility and choice, not mine. however she is saying that because i pointed out that she hurt me, im suddenly the bad guy. shes sending sexual harassment and threatening to come to my house/get her therapist to contact me. she has already had her mom contact my mom. honestly this girl is straight up batshit. she wont leave me alone and im wondering what to do? i have her number blocked so currently all communication is on tumblr (and shes the only one sending it, im not responding) but shes also threatened to have her parents drive her here and send letters/packages.
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    do you have a therapist you can talk to about this? I am thinking of someone who you can safely document this to. The major thing about abusers is that they use control and manipulation, as you all too well know. Do you want to call an abuse hotline ? It might be a good idea to get some advice from them. Or some other kind of hotline? I would seriously get a professional involved in this. Her actions are not your fault. Although abusers are very good at making it feel like other people are responsible for the abusers fate, actions and outcomes. I do hope you will reach out in your community. If for no other reason than to have it documented.

    I hope you have a therapist with whom you can talk about this. AND keep posting here. I am really sorry this is happening to you. I hope she loses interest or gets help very soon.
     
  3. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    i have a therapist and for now she has a few suggestions: get a protective order, delete my blog/create a new one, and if i dont want to do the last one then get used to her constantly messaging me. i know i probably should create a new one but i'd lose all my other friends on there and there would be no way to let them know im changing over to a new blog without her seeing. the protective order wont necessarily matter if she doesnt care about breaking the law, which she seems so desperate at this point that im not sure. i hope she loses interest too. she claims shes seeing a therapist but i have a feeling shes going to twist around everything so i look like the abuser anyways.
    as for the abuse hotline, im not really sure what they would do/what would happen if i called.
     
  4. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    i have a recovery tag on my blog and i mentioned the abuse a bit (without mentioning her name or anything) and she went off on me, saying i abused her by leaving her when she was sad and that she'll never recover and her therapist wants us to talk (which i dont believe). she has all this support of people saying she did nothing wrong when she did and i feel so alone, im made out to be the bad guy when she did all these things to me. she wont leave me alone no matter what i do. everything i do is wrong in her eyes. she said not to say anything negative about her and if i mention her it has to be positive which just sounds like controlling again.
     
  5. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    From reading this thread - your ex is not worth giving any time of day to.

    What you do/say is up to you. She has no rights to control how you think/feel or what you say. As long as you did nothing wrong, then there's no reason to feel upset about it. Sounds like you need to communicate with your mum and see what can be done to prevent the 'ex' getting in contact with you, or communicating with you. On top of that, you have to not respond in any way to what she demands of you.
     
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    just do what you need to do to stay safe. And if that means setting up a trail, eg phone calls and documenting things, then please do it. Your therapist may know best what is needed to protect yourself.
     
  7. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I really hope you can get away from this. It's very toxic for sure. I've been abused myself and always found myself going back to him. Anytime he was upset or mad, he expected me to try to fix him. If I asked any questions or tried to help, he would just yell at me or ask me to stop talking cause I was making him mad. He went further into getting mad and anytime I tried to talk again it seemed like he just got angry more. For the longest time I thought it was all my fault for whenever he got angry and overtime I grew paranoid by how I even acted around him.

    Tried to solve each situation but in the end I just felt worthless and started to question my own sanity. Not sure if that's how you felt around you're abuser but anytime I'm around toxic people now I pick up on it right away. Really hope you can get away from her. Your in my thoughts. hugs!
     
  8. undercoverlover

    undercoverlover Well-Known Member

    thank you everyone! i'm taking legal action to get her away from me so hopefully that will all work in the end.

    im sorry thats happening, raven. i hope everything works out. ♥
     
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