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I just want it all to be over

Modest-Box

Active Member
#1
I'm going to be very harsh in this post, so I apologise for this in advance.

Recently I've looked back on my life in general, and I came to the conclusion that my will to go further is only weaker and weaker. I'm basically second-guessing myself on pretty much everything I do, and I hate it. I had so many ideas and hopes on what I wanted to become - which, seeing how things turned out so far, all of it seems to be just a delusional dream of someone who tries to pretend that whatever he does matters to any extend.

I see no purpose in anything I've achieved so far or strived for. I have graduated college with distinctions just to end up in a dead-end minimum wage job I hate, just because I seemingly can't 'impress' any employer from the industry I learned for. All the time in college was a complete waste of time so far. I cannot even fathom why I haven't figured out where I will be after graduating from college, nor why my parents kept insisting me to stay in the college anyway, even after I raised objections on why I saw no reason in finishing college. I know that they probably wanted the best for me and hoped that the college will help me in that, but so far the only thing the college granted me is wasting 4 years for a degree I can't even use.

This anger and disappointment extend to pretty much everything I do. I tried to learn some new skills, like art and so on, with poor results. I genuinely try to learn more and get better at what I do, but most of the stuff I did was just one huge disappointment. I understand that failing is a part of the learning process, but shouldn't it also lead to some revelations and achievements as well? Yet I have barely anything worth showing.

Someone has told me a long time ago that I'm useless, and that I will never achieve anything in life. So far, everything that person told me seems to be on point. I see no hope in anything I do. I see no way I can somehow improve my life at all. Normally I would wish that my parents would just move out and finally give me an opportunity to end myself. I see no point in why I should keep living. I just want to leave everything behind me and die. If there only was a way to do so while I'm still living with my parents.
 
#2
Sorry that you're feeling so bad
Someone has told me a long time ago that I'm useless, and that I will never achieve anything in life
I don't think that's true. It was really wrong of them to say something like that. When someone says something like that, it's always based on malice and not a real understanding of someone's potential.
I have graduated college with distinctions
Do you want to say what your degree is in and what distinctions you got?
 

Modest-Box

Active Member
#3
I got distinctions in BTEC IT, as well as BTEC games development and system security.

I tried to apply to multiple apprenticeship programs but all my applications have either been rejected or have not receive any response. I guess the problem is that I only got D in Psychology, which means that in UK my applications grades are AAD (Distinction is an equivalent of A in the UK) This is a problem, since most apprentships require BBC grades as a minimum.

I don't know whether I should bother with applications at this point. I tried to learn some new skills related to these areas, but the lack of proper results only demotivates me.

I don't even know what is the point of trying to improve my life at this point.
 

JDot

1 Peter 5:7
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#4
Hey @Modest-Box I just want to say I understand the frustration. I have two degrees that haven't helped me find a decent job at all in the past decade. Now I'm working on my Masters. And I'm still worried about the future. But we can't give up. Feel free to chat with me sometime.
 

Butterfly

Sim Addict
Safety & Support
SF Author
SF Supporter
#7
I am guessing that you are in the UK and if you're in college than you must be 18/19 which is pretty young. You have so many years to figure out what you want to do with your life. Have you considered foundation degrees? University?
 

Modest-Box

Active Member
#8
What is BTEC?

Is there any career counselor or academic counselor that you could talk to?
BTEC is basically a regular college course but with more assignments in which you have to show your understanding of the subjects thought and apply them to 'real life' scenarios.

I have graduated from college last year, so I don't have any immediate contact with any of the college staff. I might try to contact them and see if they can help, but I doubt it will do anything since I'm no longer a student and practically wasted the entire year doing pretty much nothing. I'll try to contact them nonetheless.

I am guessing that you are in the UK and if you're in college than you must be 18/19 which is pretty young. You have so many years to figure out what you want to do with your life. Have you considered foundation degrees? University?
My initial plan was to apply for IT-related apprenticeships programs right after college. However, all my applications got rejected or receive no response, like I've stated before, so all my effort seem futile. I don't expect much to change, since I haven't done a lot related to my previous courses, meaning that my portfolio and therefore qualifications are even slimmer. I don't want to go to university without having an apprenticeship, because I don't want the college situation to repeat itself - where I get further qualifications and remain with no job regardless.

Hey @Modest-Box I just want to say I understand the frustration. I have two degrees that haven't helped me find a decent job at all in the past decade. Now I'm working on my Masters. And I'm still worried about the future. But we can't give up. Feel free to chat with me sometime.
I'm happy that you are working on your Masters, and have a general idea of where you want to go and what to pursue.
 

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