I'm going to be very harsh in this post, so I apologise for this in advance.
Recently I've looked back on my life in general, and I came to the conclusion that my will to go further is only weaker and weaker. I'm basically second-guessing myself on pretty much everything I do, and I hate it. I had so many ideas and hopes on what I wanted to become - which, seeing how things turned out so far, all of it seems to be just a delusional dream of someone who tries to pretend that whatever he does matters to any extend.
I see no purpose in anything I've achieved so far or strived for. I have graduated college with distinctions just to end up in a dead-end minimum wage job I hate, just because I seemingly can't 'impress' any employer from the industry I learned for. All the time in college was a complete waste of time so far. I cannot even fathom why I haven't figured out where I will be after graduating from college, nor why my parents kept insisting me to stay in the college anyway, even after I raised objections on why I saw no reason in finishing college. I know that they probably wanted the best for me and hoped that the college will help me in that, but so far the only thing the college granted me is wasting 4 years for a degree I can't even use.
This anger and disappointment extend to pretty much everything I do. I tried to learn some new skills, like art and so on, with poor results. I genuinely try to learn more and get better at what I do, but most of the stuff I did was just one huge disappointment. I understand that failing is a part of the learning process, but shouldn't it also lead to some revelations and achievements as well? Yet I have barely anything worth showing.
Someone has told me a long time ago that I'm useless, and that I will never achieve anything in life. So far, everything that person told me seems to be on point. I see no hope in anything I do. I see no way I can somehow improve my life at all. Normally I would wish that my parents would just move out and finally give me an opportunity to end myself. I see no point in why I should keep living. I just want to leave everything behind me and die. If there only was a way to do so while I'm still living with my parents.
Recently I've looked back on my life in general, and I came to the conclusion that my will to go further is only weaker and weaker. I'm basically second-guessing myself on pretty much everything I do, and I hate it. I had so many ideas and hopes on what I wanted to become - which, seeing how things turned out so far, all of it seems to be just a delusional dream of someone who tries to pretend that whatever he does matters to any extend.
I see no purpose in anything I've achieved so far or strived for. I have graduated college with distinctions just to end up in a dead-end minimum wage job I hate, just because I seemingly can't 'impress' any employer from the industry I learned for. All the time in college was a complete waste of time so far. I cannot even fathom why I haven't figured out where I will be after graduating from college, nor why my parents kept insisting me to stay in the college anyway, even after I raised objections on why I saw no reason in finishing college. I know that they probably wanted the best for me and hoped that the college will help me in that, but so far the only thing the college granted me is wasting 4 years for a degree I can't even use.
This anger and disappointment extend to pretty much everything I do. I tried to learn some new skills, like art and so on, with poor results. I genuinely try to learn more and get better at what I do, but most of the stuff I did was just one huge disappointment. I understand that failing is a part of the learning process, but shouldn't it also lead to some revelations and achievements as well? Yet I have barely anything worth showing.
Someone has told me a long time ago that I'm useless, and that I will never achieve anything in life. So far, everything that person told me seems to be on point. I see no hope in anything I do. I see no way I can somehow improve my life at all. Normally I would wish that my parents would just move out and finally give me an opportunity to end myself. I see no point in why I should keep living. I just want to leave everything behind me and die. If there only was a way to do so while I'm still living with my parents.
