I Just Want It All To End....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WolfQueen14, Jan 8, 2012.

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  1. WolfQueen14

    WolfQueen14 New Member

    Okay, first of my problems, is my own father hates me... made my mom walk out in the middle of the rain [when he had a perfectly working car] with me, when I was a baby, and had pneumonia... he's been hitting on my mom, in-front of me, ever since I was small... and most of the time, it's for something that I did, that she took the blame for... when I got a bit older, about 5-6, I would cry, and he would threaten me, and make me stop crying... telling me if I didn't he was going to blister my ***... the older I get, the worse he gets, to me... I turned thirteen, he made me cry so much, I probably would have made an obvious puddle... I turn fourteen, he says "I don't care if you get raped".... then, there's the fact that we live with my grandmother... dad's mom... all my life... we never left... our household is HUGE... I live with my uncle *a supposed rapist*, another uncle, my mom, my dad, my brother, my grandmother, and me.... speaking of my neighborhood, however, is a whole other story... shooting, day, and night... some of my neighbors are drug dealers... one actually got arrested... the rest of the people on this street, are mostly drug-dealers, as-well.... also, rapists... and people who WILL beat you up... just for being white-skinned.... All in all, I'm not wanted here... not by my dad at-least... I actually hate MYSELF, now... I just want it to end... all I do is hurt people... and make them upset... I have no friends in real life, I'm not aloud to go outside, because of all the problems, I can't go to a regular public school, because, again, bad neighborhood... all my friends are online, and they can't really help me much... No one else would miss me anyway.... I just want it all to end.... so why shouldn't I just end it all?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    What you should do hun if your father is hitting you or your mother is to call the police and get his sorry ass in jail YOur mother should go to a home for abused women and take you with her there you will be protected
  3. Morningstar

    Morningstar Well-Known Member

    I don't really have an answer for you, I personally believe everyone has the right to make their own choices about such things. But one should of course always consider all possible other options. Have you ever considered going to the authorities about what's going on?, I know it isn't ideal but perhaps going into foster care or going to an organization that helps abused kids/teens is a good idea. I also don't know exactly how old you are but you're obviously still quite young. Instead of considering catching this particular bus ride. Well perhaps you should be thinking of ways to get out of and survive this situation. Given the situation you're in I would think running away would be a better option then putting up with such an obviously abusive and neglectful home life. There are also many organizations that help teens in your situation. One that comes to mind is the organization Covenant House which helps homeless, abused, and runaway kids. The fact is your young and even though it seems impossible you can overcome what's going on. And though calling the authorities, foster homes, or running away may not seem like 'good' options. The fact is a lot of people manage to work their way back up from the street or even find their way to a good foster home. Like I said you're young and probably more resilient then you think, but there is no doubt the environment you are in is extremely toxic. Instead of thinking of what will be a permanent and unchangeable solution (that leaves you no future) to an inarguabley terrible situation. Try and find a solution to the terrible situation that leaves you able to walk away and have a future. Anyway that's just my rambling two cents, I don't really know everything about your situation other then what you've said. And this is just what came to mind off the top of my head. Anyway if you need someone to talk to you can feel free to message me, I hope you think things through and just don't do anything impulsive, take care.
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