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i just want the balls to do it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AsphyxiateOnWords, Nov 11, 2011.

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  1. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    I don't want my relationship, or any relationship for that matter because most people suck and the ones who don't are too hard to find.

    I also don't want to be treated like shit by my family anymore.

    I don't want to face all of my failure and inability to do things that most people can do.

    And there is nothing that can fix any of this, especially some fucktard with a clipboard.

    I wish I had the balls to die. But every time I gain the willpower to do it, it goes away before I get the chance. I can't win.
  2. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    That's it, I can't take it. I have to try to die. I tried smoking pot to mask the pain and it didn't do shit. How can it? At the end of the day, everything is still meaningless. Even if I fail, at least I can say I tried.
  3. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello StrangeAsAngels, love the name by the way.

    I am sorry you haven't received any responses.

    I am not sure exactly your situation, I understand you are frustrated with relationships, that is certainly something you have in common with many members.

    But one thing I know, it takes more bravery to keep on fighting to live than to give up.

    You have been brave so far, keep on being brave and post and let us get to know you.

    You will find many folks on site who you can related to, I guarantee it.

    I am wishing you well and golden comfy thoughts as I type.
  4. BlueGuitar

    BlueGuitar Member

    I'm in a very similar place. Wish you strength. To live.
  5. tudor_77

    tudor_77 Member

    Just like blueguitar, I can also relate to how you are currently feeling. I take it from your post that you are cynical about mental health professionals? I defo hear ya on that one Ive met my fair share of psychiatrists who dont really care about their patients and just want to pump you full of chemicals to keep you quiet. I am seeing a psychologist now and she is great. I think its about trying to find the right kind of help, so please dont give up completely.

    Hope you feel better soon mate.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun just know you are not a failure okay you are a winner you are
    You fight each day and you keep yourself here As said i think if you get a professional that you can connect with you will feel better hun Please do not give up that fight Keep posting okay keep talking to us it help to talk hugs to you
  7. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    If only they could just pump me full of chemicals to keep me quiet, I wouldn't be complaining right now. Nothing they do works. They all suck at their jobs.

    So, obviously, I failed what I was trying to do. I needed to fall asleep quickly in order for it to work and I couldn't. Tried sleeping pills and everything.

    Maybe I should have tried benzos and alcohol, but i was afraid I'd fail and it would screw me up.

    They really need to make some lethal injection or something and sell it legally to people who want it. Though, realistically, I know there is a much higher chance of weed becoming legal.
  8. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    Got it from The Cure's "Just Like Heaven".
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