I'm a good mother. It's the best thing I've ever done, but it seems like at every turn there's something to try to stop me - a partner who abused my kids until eventually I had to leave and now although he finally treats them better now that we're gone, won't support his own kids financially, the way that he should. I've worked my entire life, despite childhood sexual abuse and the resulting depression and fear that seems to have stayed with me my entire life. But, despite my best efforts, I get a job only to be blatantly discriminated against, only to be fired after I did what all my co-workers told me and spoke up. I just feel like a victim all over again. I can't seem to get a job and my kids and I are about to lose the first real secure and happy home we've ever really had. Why me? I'm not a bad person. I'm a good friend. A good person. I've always done all I can to be all I can be for both myself and my kids, but despite my best efforts it seems like all I ever get is more and more pain. I just can't take it anymore. After I tried to end my life eight years ago I promised my sons once they got older and understood what had actually happened, that I would never do it again. But, I can't take anymore. I really can't. It seems like I've spent my entire life fighting and I just don't have the strength any more. I'm writing this and thinking if this is all life is, then what's the point. I come home every day expecting the kids to be at home with no power, while my ex goes out and buys a brand new car with what should have been child support. Yet, he thinks he's a good and helpful guy...What a joke. I run and I run and I run, trying each day to get over the hump, trying to keep my kids safe and secure, but it's like running up hill. They are such good teens. Never been in any trouble, kind, loving, good students. The only thing that keeps me from ending my life for good is them. I wouldn't want to leave them here all alone, especially since we are so close. But, I just feel like I can't take any more. Every time I think things may improve, it's like I get another gotcha. I went to the hospital two days ago only to find out the one kidney I have left (I had one removed when I was 5), is now infected, and to top it off I have no insurance. I'm in pain and even though the hospital treated me and gave me medication I just feel like why bother. I can't take any more. I really, really can't. If this is what life is, I don't see the point.