I just want to be happy (may trigger)

[Lovelybones]

I really do. Is it too late? Anorexia since I was 11 and I really think
I should just end it because my body is already so damaged
I'm scared I will have another heart attack and at least I would
be in control of when I die. I know this sounds crazy. I don't want to die,
but living in this state of constant panic and the thoughts of why bother,
the doctors said I am already on borrowed time, just make me
think maybe I have wasted enough time here being scared of death

 

[Lestat]

s* i'm sorry your in this situation. You sound like you don't want to die, so please don't. Are there any meds you can be on for the pain? Also maybe some anti-depressants? How old are you now?

 

[Ritsu]

first of I am so very sorry to hear of this I understand the pain you are in I do I tried to end it on tuesday and I failed I do not know if I have the right words but I will try I am also on a ticking clock of time I thought I would like to go by my own hands but I relise I was wrong I have decided to do something with my life to leave my mark on the world to show it what I can do please please get some help I do not wish to take away your choice only try and show you a better one.

 

[Marathon-Running-Bunny]

I really do. Is it too late? Anorexia since I was 11 and I really think
I should just end it because my body is already so damaged
I'm scared I will have another heart attack and at least I would
be in control of when I die. I know this sounds crazy. I don't want to die,
but living in this state of constant panic and the thoughts of why bother,
the doctors said I am already on borrowed time, just make me
think maybe I have wasted enough time here being scared of death

Welcome to the forum..

It's not late to start getting some help for your anorexia.. You can get some help from a psy doctor as the doctor can give you some meds to stop you from panic.. Start eating well from today onwards.. Hope to hear from you soon.. :hug:

first of I am so very sorry to hear of this I understand the pain you are in I do I tried to end it on tuesday and I failed I do not know if I have the right words but I will try I am also on a ticking clock of time I thought I would like to go by my own hands but I relise I was wrong I have decided to do something with my life to leave my mark on the world to show it what I can do please please get some help I do not wish to take away your choice only try and show you a better one.

Welcome to the forum.. Please don't try any more attempts.. :hug: We are all here if you ever need someone to talk to about what is troubling you.. Give yourself a chance.. Take care and hope to hear from you again..

 

[Forgotten_Man]

Well why not enjoy the time you have? After all you could go at anytime. You know this, you seem to have some kind of peace with it. Why not make the last of your time fun?

 

[Lovelybones]

Thank you all for your replies. I am 30 years old now and although I did get better in the last few years, my body is just tired as am I emotionally. I have organs shutting down and everytime I faint, I think oh god is this it??
How do I live like this anymore. No, I don't want to die, but the last year has been a living nightmare. I'm just scared. I know I am pathetic. I am sorry if I sound at all like I am whining. My husband ignores the issue, completly, as in I faint and he is so used to it he walks by. Has everyone just given up? I wouldn't blame them. My mum asks me what kind of funeral I want.
And my kids......they are the only reason I am still here. They are my everything.