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I just want to be loved...

Discussion in 'I Need Empathy and Compassion (No advice wanted)' started by bsmb77, Jun 19, 2017.

  1. bsmb77

    bsmb77 New Member

    I just want to feel like I'm loved for who I am, quirks, bad habits and all. I'm not a very easy person to get along with at times and I know this, but I genuinely mean well and care about people. But I feel like I don't get much in return. I have a significant other (boyfriend) and it's even hard for me to believe he cares or loves me at times. He isn't the same type of person I am, I'm a people pleaser and sometimes get my feelings hurt easily by him and will still do almost anything for him and he's more a person who stands up for himself and will fire back when I say something, so we clash. I have depression but I'm not in therapy and lately I struggle with vertigo and pain in my sides and back, and that combined with doubting that I'm loved honestly makes me not care if one day I don't wake up. I feel like I'm giving up on life. Today I looked up painless ways to die because sometimes I feel like inside I'm already dying. I'm sorry if this post is all over the place I'm feeling down and sad after a screaming match with the boyfriend. I don't think this is how life is supposed to be, I never imagined one day I'd be laying on my bed at 10:50 PM listening to my blood pulsing through my veins and holding a washcloth to my face because I'm crying and the tears won't stop flowing. I thought things would turn out great and I know I'm in control of that but I do not have the strength right now to take control.
     
  2. dtc

    dtc at least that's what I keep telling myself!

    It's hard when you're as caring a person as it sounds you are. You'd never treat people the way that seems common place to so may, so it really hits hard when you are treated that way. The fact you are this way tells me that you do have a lot to give and would be missed

    This isn't something you need to deal with alone though. I've found nothing but caring, supportive people on here who are always willing to listen. This is a safe, non-judgemental place where you never need to apologise for what you post, just open up as much as you are comfortable doing, however please bear in mind profiles and posts are not able to be deleted, so keep identifying information to a minimum.

    You do deserve to have a life that you can enjoy, and hopefully with some help you can get there in the not too distant future.

    Take care
     
    bsmb77 and Lara_C like this.
  3. JDot

    JDot Well-Known Member

    I hate to hear you're in so much pain. You say you're not in therapy. Is there a reason for that? Finances? I'm sorry things aren't going well between you and your boyfriend. But I'm glad you found this place. There are some great and understanding people here to talk to. This place has helped me a lot. I hope it helps you too. Feel free to come here and vent whenever you need to. You are part of the SF family now.
     
    dtc, bsmb77 and Lara_C like this.
  4. Paco

    Paco Glad you found us!

    Glad you found us!
     
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  5. Sry

    Sry Member

    Dear bsmb77,
    I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. Have you heard about attachment theory? It plays an important role in relationship dynamics and how you and your partner are showing up for each other in the relationship and in your individual lives. I invite you to do a bit of research perhaps on attachment styles in relationships as it could help you to not only better understand your behaviours (good, bad and ugly - we all have them! :) ) and ways of coping, but also that of your boyfriend's. This will put you in a better position to address conflicts as they arise in your relationship and hopefully reduce the two of you clashing so much (as you describe). Researching on the "turtle and hailstorm" dynamic in relationships can also help you in understanding and responding to the challenges of your relationship.

    I really hear your need to be loved. And I sense one of the areas in which you are seeking love is within your relationship. I'm curious to know whether you are familiar with the 5 Love Languages? Basically, we all have a tendency to love our partners in the way WE want and expect to be loved. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that our love translates to our partners, or that they always or even truly feeling loved, because for them they might have different ways of loving and expecting to receive love. So, I wonder whether you're feeling unloved in your relationship because the ways in which your boyfriend is actually loving you are not translating to love for you, because perhaps they are not the ways in which you give and wish to receive love, but the ways in which he wants to be loved. I think if you are able to identify (research the concept of 5 love languages and you'll see related tests) your individual love languages, you will put you and your boyfriend in a better position to give you love in the ways that you value, and vice versa.

    Of course, please never forget the importance of self-love and being compassionate and nurturing towards yourself. As much as we may want to feel loved by others, its even more important to love ourselves first. Please believe me when I say that I know it's hard to love yourself when you are feeling depressed, but we have to try, even with the smallest gestures towards ourselves (e.g. making a nice meal for ourselves, going for a walk to get some fresh air when things get overwhelming, not being too hard on ourselves if we may feel we're a bit difficult for others to get along with, or even washing our faces after a good long cry).

    I hope some of this helps you some way. Pat yourself on the back for doing an act of self-love by reaching out :)
     
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