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I just want to cease.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by darknight, Mar 24, 2008.

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  1. darknight

    darknight Member

    I finished school about a year ago and I was heavily into lots of drugs at the time. I became alot more cynical during these years as well. Also I couldn't find a job relating to my degree after I graduated(surprisingly) either so I had to move back with the rents where I don't know really anybody in the area.

    Basically my outlook on life is pretty bleak now. I just want to cease to exist because I'm a burden to my family and society for that matter. I really don't see the point to life. Nothing really inspires me anymore. I honestly don't care about having some well paying job where in the future I could get a bigger tv, a house, nice clothes, etc. That stuff doesn't any substance to it. I used to foolishly think there was a purpose to my life, but now I see it as a pointless existence. Really why am I here? Just so I could be another of the countless billions to survive and replicate? I feel trapped in this existence and I want out.
  2. Believe

    Believe Well-Known Member

    Darknight, I promise you that you have a purpose on this Earth. You may not have found it yet, but you do. There is a reason you are here - please stay safe.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hun, have you thought of volunteering at a shelter or teen help facility? Sometimes it opens ones eyes to what their purpose and worth is. And you get to really help others to boot. Just a suggestion.
  4. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    why don't you go on a volunteer mission on another continent, go backpacking, or just go camping for a weekend. If you're feeling depressed by society why not connect with nature?
  5. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Darknight, I don't mean to preach. I've been in your shoes and that's why I'm here, to help if I can. I was able to find a sense of purpose when I finally realized I don't have to justify my existence. Why does anyone have to prove their existence worthy? This is an important question.
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Have your parents actually told you that you are a burden to them darknight? When I graduated university, I had a very hard time finding employment. It's like employers have something against hiring graduates. It took me a couple of years to figure out that I wanted to become a teacher, but now that I'm a teacher things are just fine. Those two years after graduating were tough, but I never allowed myself to sink into depression, because it's only downhill from there.

    It sounds like material wealth doesn't interest you much. That's perfectly fine. It's ok to live a spiritual existence (as I do) instead of a material existence, because material wealth really doesn't bring happiness. 'Money doesn't buy happiness.' Keep looking for a decent job and eventually you will find one. You have to make some money so that you can help your parents out with the bills.
  7. darknight

    darknight Member

    Right now I don't think I would be much help to others, I probably would end up depressing them even more.

    Peacegirl, I need to justify my existance so I can get through living. Everyday I wake up and never want to leave my bed, because there is nothing out there for me. I wouldn't mind dreaming forever.

    Dave_N, yes my parents did tell me I am a burden to them and a failure. They always say how much money they spent on me going to school and what a waste it was. Also they compare me to their friends and families children and tell me how well they are doing and how disappointed they are with me. But that's just part of it, not the only reason why I'm going to off myself.

    I just wish I wasn't so cynical and apathetic. I can't be what I once was.
  8. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Darknight, you don't have to justify your existence but you think you do. You are accepting the storyline that others have passed onto you as if it is gospel. No wonder you are sad. Anyone would be. But these are falsehoods that we accepted without question. We were children and didn't know any better. We just wanted to be okay in the eyes of the world, and as a result of listening to the voices of others, we believed we have failed. But when you really analyze the messages we have received, this is not of god at all. God (whomever you believe god to be) did not intend for you to be miserable. We are all part of a greater cause, and you are just as important in this evolution as anyone else. We all have our stories that can help others, and especially the next generation. Would you want to trump that story that only you can share? The truth is no one can share your story but you. You are a shining light in the lives of others, if you choose to be. It would be a a devastating scenario if you gave up on your life over an interpretation of who you are that is not the truth. And as a result, your valuable input would fail to be heard due to your own hand. You would have slowed down our evolutionary development because now your input is not here (the reason god put you here in the first place). I don't think you realize the truth about your greatness (not in a narcissitic way, but in a way that makes you understand that your value as a human being is immeasurable) and what you have to offer. How sad is that Dark? :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2008
  9. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I agree.... :(
  10. emptytank

    emptytank Active Member

    I realised that my purpose is to do onto others as they have done to me.
  11. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Do you think this will make you happy? To get back at those who have hurt you? :unsure:
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