I just want to die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AAA3330, Jan 9, 2015.

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  1. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    As if things weren't bad enough something flew off a truck and shattered my driver's side window on my car on Sunday. It caused me a great deal of stress because I had to drive without a window in the freezing cold(0 degrees Farenheight) to get it fixed. I was quite shaken up but thought that it would pass in a few days, but it hasn't. I think that the stress may have made my condition worse. I'm really shaky. I can barely type. I can barely take care of myself as it is. I'm really scared and don't know what to do. I just know that something is going to come up that I won't be able to handle. I'm afraid to drive, but I have to. I went to the store yesterday and it was very difficult. Life has been so unfair to me. I used to be able to at least go out and do the things that I need to do, but now I'm not sure anymore. I'm scared to leave the house. I'm scared to drive because I'm afraid that I'll get into an accident. I've wanted to be put into a nursing home or mental institution for a long time, but nobody will help me with that. I'm so tired of being scared. I never knew that anyone could suffer this way. All that I can do is sit in my house and suffer. I'm not able to take care of things the way that I used to. I'm so scared that something terrible is going to happen. I would be so much better off dead and I've known this for a long time. I just wish that I could do it. I want death more than I've ever wanted anything. I'm thinking about going back to the hospital, but don't think that it will help. I saw my psychiatrist on Tuesday and she is running out of ideas and told me that it was basically up to me if I wanted to keep seeing her. I'm so screwed. I need help so badly, but nobody's been able to help me.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    In all your other posts you say you have tried meds and they don't work, yet it has been only about two years since this got so bad (my understanding from reading past posts- forgive me if I misunderstood). Are you currently taking medications for the schizophrenia? Of previous meds, have you ever taken any long term so more than a month or two? Meds for schizophrenia often take a year or more to adjust doses before stabilizing,and typically it depends on a cocktail of several drugs, not a one and done script. If you have not tried them consistently and as per direction for several months, and tried the adjustments as recommended you have no real way of knowing if they can help. I am asking based on the wording of your post about meds and the fact you said the psychiatrist basically said it is up to you to see them or not. This clearly implies you would not need refills, and is the most common response when a patient does not want medication which is essentially the only purpose of a psychiatrist. Even if you dislike drugs, how can they be worse than want to kill yourself because life is so bad?
     
  3. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for responding. I don't have any problem with drugs. I'm currently on Seroquel, but the psychiatrist has tried several drugs including Clozaril but none seemed to have any effect. She's already tried Haldol, but I asked her about taking a larger dose and she's supposed to get back to me. I used to be successful and happy. It's just these last two years that I've had major problems. The mental distress and torment that I live with everyday is just unlike anything you could ever imagine. The psychiatrist is convinced that it is my Schizophrenia.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Just a thought, I have seen you mention many drugs, I have tried all of those and they don't agree with me then I tried zyprexa (I do not have a psychotic illness though, I am on it for anxiety and sleep) I think it's the best medication I have ever been on, I just hope it doesn't wear off in time.

    Have you tried that one? :hug: I know things are hard for you and you are trying to get your life on track. I wish you the best of luck!!! And if you need to talk or anything, don't hesitate to contact me, you can PM me or I can send you my e-mail in PM. I am online a lot!

    :arms:
     
  5. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    Risperidone is another good one. What I did notice was that the first time I was put on it I was still sick when I went off of it because of side effects. When I was put on it a year later it was at a high enough dose so that I stayed on it long enough to be better. And some of the side effects went away. After a year on a higher dose I was lowered.
     
  6. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    They've tried Risperidone, but not Zyprexa recently. Ever since Tuesday, it seems like things are worse and I'm really scared. At least before I was able to do the things that I needed to do and now I'm not sure. I'm really shaky. I just want to sleep all of the time, but I can't do that.
     
  7. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    I'm back online after one hour sleep (thanks to the 24 I got yesterday) so I can empathize right now on the sleep part. I'd get in to see someone and maybe give risperidone or zyprexa another chance.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter


    Everyone responds to medication differently, for instance I cannot tolerate risperidone, it gave me a psychotic episode, never took it again whereas zyprexa helps me a lot. Talk to the psych about trying different ones and ones they think would suit your illness best.
     
  9. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the responses. I think that I am going to call my psychiatrist tomorrow and maybe go back to the hospital though I don't think that it will help. I've never been this bad before and I'm really scared.
     
  10. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Good Luck tomorrow.
     
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