I want to die. I haven't killed myself yet because there are people in my life that would feel responsible for my death. They have tried to help me but I am beyond hope and help. I persist only because I have not yet found a way to die that would look accidental. I do not want people to feel guilty for not being able to help me enough when it is hopeless. Every time I am in the car by myself I hope that someone will hit me and I would die. I keep looking for ways that it would look accidental.