I just want to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by FireBird, Mar 23, 2009.

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  1. FireBird

    FireBird Well-Known Member

    Its obvious that no one likes me on Earth except my family and maybe a few friends. But around the world (on the boards for so called "support") they want me to die. They have been doing research on me (go to www.schizophrenia.com under "people diagnosed with schizophrenia" then go to the thread called "diagnosed with schizophrenia" started by "tinybird" who is my mom. You will see a nasty attack once again (not the first time by him) I won't mention names because that is against the rules but I know you guys are smart enough to know what the attack is. He hates my speeches, my art, he thinks I am faking my schizophrenia, basically he hates everything about me, so I wrote a PM that basically says that if I commit suicide because of him and many others, he has blood on his hands. I have no interest in anything anymore, its useless. I am in the middle of a show, people are rooting for me to die, yeah yeah yeah, die, die, die! Go do it! This person gave out personal information about me on the Internet, my real name and where I live. My mom tried to defend me, but this a**hole is on the attack. I hope something happens to him, perhaps an "accident." People like him do not deserve to live and in fact if I ruled the world, I would kill all the bullies and criminals on this planet. People who go out of their way to hurt others have no reason to live. Its not just one person who hates my guts. And on others when I'm begging for help, hardly any responses but when another person writes the same thing they get tons of responses. I hate myself, no one likes me so I need to die. The ONLY thing that is preventing me from killing myself this minute is some art shows coming up in April and May. That is literally the only thing to live for, and I bet something will go wrong there too. I truly thought people liked my art, but apparently its not good enough and "I can't make a living off of it" because "it sucks." My business sucks, oh when was the last order? Months ago? I hope the government fires that laser beam and this time NOT MISS by an inch! I don't want anyone else to get hurt so I won't tell them to set off the bomb in my neck. Maybe the nanobots and snake machines can kill me from within, I'll give them permission to do that. I am nothing but a useless waste of space. What am I worth, $600 something a month? Big bleeping deal, that's below minimum wage. I thought by now I would be off SSI and make a lot of money, all the cash flow projections are so off it isn't funny. The zoos that promised to order never did. The people who wanted commission work never followed through. That huge art show in Hollywood that I was telling everyone about the person lied to me, my name WAS on the list and he took it off, saying it was a "mistake." Absolutely nothing is going to plan. Just for the worst. I bet that jerk is reading this right now. He's probably laughing at this right now. If the gov doesn't get to me, hopefully the aliens will take me away and I'll get killed in their precious war of theirs.
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    well they arent no ones.
    alot of people have a lot less than that, i for one dont have the support of my family. and i only have 1 person irl i would consider a friend.
    no one wants you to die other thank yourself for what these people are putting you through.
    if they are doing this you should stop posting, seek your help from your support systems, doctors, psychologists family, friends. tehy are the people you should turn to, not the people on the internet. you say your mum defended you well go to her for help. she is there for you. schizophrenia is a widely misunderstood illness, and on the internet you are going to get people that are just out to attack people, and if you are in an already vunerable state then it isnt going to help you.
    stick with your family, your friends and you doctors.

    you arent alone like you think and say you are.
  3. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    I feel exactly the same. Try to totally forget all of the morals, ideas, and religions that people tell you to believe in. Try to be at peace in yourself. I myself have chosen Satanism as a focus. This is not a joke. This is after 20 some years of whatever. All that TV and media and religion crap will mess you up.

    I try to stay as sober as possible and try to look at alternative ideas such as Satan for my moral support. The major ideas and religions will make you depressed. There is no reason to believe in the world's sadness. It's only real if you listen to all of their dumb stories about morality and sadness.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    If that is how you are being treated there then maybe it is best to stay away fro that forum. You have your family and friends. Lean on them and forget about what the other people say. You do not need them. I am sorry you feel they want to get rid of you. You are welcome here with us. :hug:
  5. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    It is so sad how you can feel and see the sadness and godlessness in this world by reading here, no? Why is it that the gods or God has abandoned us? I know the answer..................................

    It is because we buy into the ideas that they sell us... We are too weak to stand up for what we really think is this world.... We see the evil people... We are afraid.........
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