I just want to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by alixer, Nov 22, 2011.

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  1. alixer

    alixer Active Member

    What do you do when you just want to die?

    I like life, love it in fact, but it's filled with so much pain for me. I suffer from chronic back pain that feels like a knife is stabbing me every day. On top of that, I'm incredibly emotionally unbalanced - especially when it comes to women. You may not believe it but I'm an optimistic, but it's hard to find the strength to continue when all I feel is pain - physical pain, emotional pain. I really wonder why continue.
     
  2. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    i'm looking for the answer to that question myself. most answers i've gotten to that question concern other people (you don't want to hurt the people that love you, or you have a LOT of potential and you are GOING TO make a difference in a lot of people's lives)...blah blah. the best answer i think i've gotten is "you're too good of a person"...and my own answer is that we only get to live once. make the most of it...idk if that's good enough. it might not be for me, but it's good enough for now.

    i wish i could help you more. but i'm in the same shoes, and my thoughts are identical to yours.

    it's promising though, that you "love" life. if you can smile through all the pain, i think you're doing something right and you are going to be okay. and, i also assume you have a lot of people who love you, and whom you love. take good care of them...talk to them. my friends are my painkillers.
     
  3. alixer

    alixer Active Member

    Thanks for not dismissing or judging my thoughts. :)
     
  4. alixer

    alixer Active Member

    By the way, what pain do you suffer from plshelpme?


     
  5. Silenced

    Silenced Member

    I can definitely relate with the back issues.
    I am turning 20 in a few days and a few months ago had a full spinal fusion performed on me. This literally threw my life upside down.

    Imagine everyday for 19 years.. (Using that since it is how old I was during) you walk, you run, you perform everyday activities one way... and then all of a sudden.. imagine somebody sticks 2 8 inch titanium rods next to your spine... You can probably sit there in your chair or wherever you are and imagine not being able to move / bend your back... suddenly bending over is nearly impossible.

    That alone caused me to want to die. I have my whole life ahead of me... and should of had a full youth ahead of me as well.. however.. it was stolen / taken from me. I haven't ran for 8 months ... I haven't jumped in 8 months. How sad is that.. especially when I used to all the time.

    You probably are going threw similar issues with dealing with back pain... because back pain is back pain... it normally doesn't differ between people and usually always sucks.
    It's hard to stay positive when you are mentally and physically drained 24/7.

    Hopefully we can fight the fight and persevere.
     
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Belated happy birthday; and I do know the struggle as I have been wheelchair bound for the last yr and a half...so many adjustments, none of which we wanted to do...it is difficult to remember, but you are you no matter what you are doing...please PM me if you would like (slow) company along the journey...J
     
  7. alixer

    alixer Active Member

    Hi Silenced, I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hate.to hear about back pain affecting someone new. Maybe we can persevere together. I'm focusing on trying to minimise the pain.
     
  8. alixer

    alixer Active Member

    I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who helped me get through this extended weekend. I couldn't stand the back and hip pain, and it finally subsided. I couldn't have survived it without your words of encouragement.
     
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