I just want to end it already

I don't have much of a reason to live anymore
I'm so terrified that I might lose the only person I've stayed alive this long for
If he leave then I'll have nobody, I'll be alone.
I can't even stand the thought of losing him I've never cut so badly I'm a complete mess right now
If he goes then I wont be here much longer, I don't know what to do

 

He cannot be your reason for staying here hun that is to much of a burden for him to bare ok Y OU have to stay here for YOU and you are not alone not now you will always have someone here that will talk to you ok You need to get the help to stop the sh and to get you strong enough to show him you can be independent

 

I'm in the same condition, though, the different is, if She left me, I don't have any reason to live anymore. And she doesn't act like she care. Words can lie, but action won't.

But like Total Eclipse said, you ahve to fight for yourself, not being a burden to him. No one wants to shoulder the weight of someone's life. It's hypocritical for me to say that because I feel suicidal too, but, hang on ok?

 

I use to be like this. Afraid of being alone, afraid to lose someone who a cared for. I thought the world would be empty. Total eclipse is right you have to be here for you.
I started to focus on my self and forced myself to see the world as it is. It's big. It didnt solve my cutting but I don't feel like my world would collapse anymore if I lost him. It's sad because I feel like I might. But sadness doesn't blow up the world (how I like to think) just hang in there . Your a person a unique person and when you can hold on to that and hold on to independence it will feel better.

 

Love and loss. It hurts. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts all my life and gone through many losses of men I've loved. The one thing I can share with you is it will take time to deal with that loss, but if you give life time, you will find purpose without that person. You are somebody just by being you. This other person doesn't make who you are or define who you are. They are just a person you love who might leave your life, but that doesn't define how you can live your life afterwards. When we lose a person we love we want the pain to stop and that's why people consider suicide. The thing is that person goes on living and you're not here any longer to see if maybe something better will come along in your life. It's not so bad to be alone. If most people would take time especially after a relationship ends to take care of themselves and their own life and go through the pain by journaling, support groups, anxiety medications or whatever it takes, the time will come when you will be okay in your own skin and be okay being alone. I know, I'm older and gone through many loves and losses of men. Men aren't worth losing ourselves over and that's what many women do. They lose themselves. If this person leaves your life, life isn't over. It's a new beginning to find you. Please don't let this person rip you off of possibilities for your future if he leaves. This man doesn't define you or if he leaves it doesn't define you. You define you and you're worth it to find out who you are again without this man. What you do is start journaling your feelings. Write the pros and cons of having this person in your life. If you see the cons outweigh the pros then look at that list and see that he really isn't the best person to be in your life. There's a great book called ""Get Rid of Him" I recommend to every woman struggling with identity related to a man. A man is not worth losing yourself or your life over. I'm here is you ever want to talk about this because I understand. After my last relationship ended I felt like you. Then I took a year to take a look at myself and see what I really wanted out of a relationship. That was one of the best years I had even though I still dealt with suicidal thoughts because they are always with me. It did help though to finally be okay being alone. It's not so bad it's actually liberating to learn to be okay with yourself and being without a man. Then when you're healthy you can choose and you'll see those signs of a man you don't want to waste your life on. I'm here if you ever want to talk.