In the last three years, I have felt so hopeless....yet I'm still here. No, I don't see this as a good thing. I don't have a job, I feel like the family scapegoat, and any little hope that comes does not last long. This year has been shit....one of the main reasons is my mother. She is so passive agressive and hypocritical. Last year, she tried to have me commited and no, i was not sucidal or threatening anyone, she did what she did, because she knew she could. I didn't get comitted, but when I needed to leave the emergency room, she refused to pick me up and told others the same as well. I had to walk over 13 miles in the dark. She is spiteful and controlling, and last month, I told her I hate her and wanted nothing to do with her. I live with my elderly aunt, and that is a pain the ass as well, but I really have no where to go. I'm tired of being scapegoated by relatives, hurt by life, and lost. I can't keep carrying all this guilt....I work on myself, but no one else does and that makes it even more in vain. I just find living to be too much. Sorry for taking away from anyone else's problems here....i tried to hold out on writing, but I just couldn't hold it in anymore.