I just want to go home

[Gonz]

Like it says in the title. All I want is to be out of here and back in my own home again with Jessica and our friends. But friends are gone, Jessica’s dead, and our home is someone else’s now.

I don’t know how to describe what it meant, having a place in the world where I really belonged, with people who really wanted me there. It was like I’d finally clawed my way out of the pit of pain and loneliness where I’d spent my youth. Like I’d finally won at life after being beat down over and over again, and the prize was getting to feel like a real person. And then all of it was gone in an instant. Pushed right back into the pit.

And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to climb back out again. I don’t think I’ll ever have a place in the world anymore. This is it now, just me, alone again, for the rest of my life. All I can do is hope that won’t be too long.

I want to go home.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I don't know what to say to help because I know your pain is immense. But I would miss you if you were gone, so would many others here. I'm here if you need to talk about anything.

 

[Holding my breath]

Huge hugs @Gonz My heart breaks for you. I hope you find the strength to realise you are not alone as long as you have us here. Xx

 

[Waves]

Gonz my friend. You are one of the few original people I met here when I joined. You are my home 😢. I completely relate to your feelings. Like you only strike gold once. 😢

 

[Lane]

Like it says in the title. All I want is to be out of here and back in my own home again with Jessica and our friends. But friends are gone, Jessica’s dead, and our home is someone else’s now.

I don’t know how to describe what it meant, having a place in the world where I really belonged, with people who really wanted me there. It was like I’d finally clawed my way out of the pit of pain and loneliness where I’d spent my youth. Like I’d finally won at life after being beat down over and over again, and the prize was getting to feel like a real person. And then all of it was gone in an instant. Pushed right back into the pit.

And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to climb back out again. I don’t think I’ll ever have a place in the world anymore. This is it now, just me, alone again, for the rest of my life. All I can do is hope that won’t be too long.

I want to go home.

I read your post @Gonz and I wish so hard for some peace for you. Life is so brutal. I know this friend.

 

[Gonz]

Thanks. It just hurts. All anyone can tell me is “give it time” but it’s getting on toward the 5 year mark and it still hurts so fucking much. I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep living like this.

 

[Angie]

Dear @Gonz your pain is so deep, your words..

I am so very sorry. I've never really found a place where I belonged in the last 20-30 years. Thought I did in my 20s but that was a lie. It must really hurt to have that belonging and then to lose it.

We are here for you man

Hugs

 

[Sunspots]

Oh mate, I wish I had some magic words to take your pain away.
I hope that maybe just knowing how much we all love you will help even a tiny bit.

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

💔

 

[KM76710]

Sad to hear all that you have and are experiencing but know that here this is a place where you are and will always be welcomed, wanted and have your place.

 

[Gonz]

I appreciate you guys. A lot. Aside from my therapist, SF people are all I ever talk to. And I mean that pretty literally. So, you know, I don’t know how much crazier I’d be going if not for y’all.

 

[Pebble mouse]

I appreciate you guys. A lot. Aside from my therapist, SF people are all I ever talk to. And I mean that pretty literally. So, you know, I don’t know how much crazier I’d be going if not for y’all.

You are a lovely soul, @Gonz. I am sad you are in such pain. We all want the best for you here. Please look after yourself