Honestly i can't face this anymore. Can't sleep, or i get horrible dreams. Sometimes it has the mercy of being just a "dream" but usually it's a memory. When i'm up, i feel like i'm lost inbetween now and the past. Always facing memories.. Or just disociating. I never remember things.. Why now? I'm in the begining of loosing my last friends. Can't work. Can't see my therapist, she moved. Out of any emergency meds. Can't afford daily psych meds, not that they help. I guess these are small issues.. Somehow knowing that makes me feel even more useless. Can't even ask family, they are sick of dealing with me. Everyone has expressed their growing disdain for me. I just can't face loosing the only 3 people in my life.. Either i smile and pretend, or give up now. Seems like i'm limited to a while of pain, or just cut the middle man, and stop these memories, feelings, and stresses now. I guess in a vague way, i want to feel better. But i know i can't. I ask for help, and no one cares, they just cut me out. Every person i meet ends up hurting me in the end. Just as well, i'm really a terrible person.