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I just want to go

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lorax, Aug 8, 2013.

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  1. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Honestly i can't face this anymore. Can't sleep, or i get horrible dreams. Sometimes it has the mercy of being just a "dream" but usually it's a memory. When i'm up, i feel like i'm lost inbetween now and the past. Always facing memories.. Or just disociating. I never remember things.. Why now? I'm in the begining of loosing my last friends. Can't work. Can't see my therapist, she moved. Out of any emergency meds. Can't afford daily psych meds, not that they help. I guess these are small issues.. Somehow knowing that makes me feel even more useless. Can't even ask family, they are sick of dealing with me. Everyone has expressed their growing disdain for me. I just can't face loosing the only 3 people in my life.. Either i smile and pretend, or give up now. Seems like i'm limited to a while of pain, or just cut the middle man, and stop these memories, feelings, and stresses now. I guess in a vague way, i want to feel better. But i know i can't. I ask for help, and no one cares, they just cut me out. Every person i meet ends up hurting me in the end. Just as well, i'm really a terrible person.
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    ((Lorax)) I will listen anytime. had my share of memories and dissociating also.. wears one down for sure.. do you have a local mental health center in your area/??? if yes then maybe see if you can get some help and meds there at a cost you can survive... you do need the help..

    hope you can hang on.. take care, Jim
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Here if I can help in any way, or if you just want to talk. What's happening with your friends, why are you losing them?
  4. dannyboy86

    dannyboy86 Active Member

    Im sorry that you are having such a hard time lorax. I like your nym. Dr. seuss is one of my hero's. But back to what you are dealing with. Dissociating with reality can be a natural human mechanism, dealing with human pain, your mind will shut off or find ways to deal with it and wants relief. That being said, Dissociating from reality is extremely unhealthy coping mechanism. I hope you can find some other way to deal with this than shutting your mind down. Ive seen what its done to my mother, and she is doing better now, but for a long time she would check out, because she could not deal with the stress, and who is to blame people who do this? I sure dont. Try walking just 10 minutes today. Find ways to live in the moment and get through the tough moments. Its hard to look at the past and say, if I had done this then this would not have happened, or if this wouldnt of happened i would not be in this shitty situation. But we have to come to terms with who we are today and improve that person.

    Dont feel like your terrible. You are human, and you have weaknesses and strengths just like anybody else. Please dont feel guilty for having to deal with the disapointments and mistakes of the flesh.

    I care (HUGS)
  5. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Post update,
    This feeling won't shake. I feel like tonight may be a good time. Or tomorrow. Just can't face who i am anymore. Or what i've done, or the things people put on me. I wish i could just sleep it off.. But i would never wish to see my dreams again.
  6. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    Post: post: update.
    Thanks to a hefty mood spike, i haven't been sleeping too much. Sort of stopped the memories, or atleast stress dreams. Plus, sleep deprivation makes my mood ""gradually"" increase. Still feel like it's my best option honestly. But i'll wait till i can get things ready at least. 0 hope, but i can hold on. For a bit.
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