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I just can't stop thinking about it and researching methods of it. Just doing it seems like it would be so much easier than living like this everyday. I keep praying that it will just end. I can't do it anymore😔
Hi Robert, while you're in the grip of severe depression it does seem that dying is the only way to stop the pain, but please just try to keep in your mind somewhere that depression is an actual physical illness affecting the brain and that there are effective treatments which can really help. I urge you to go back to your doctor as s/he needs to know how bad you're feeling but if you feel you might do something to harm yourself, please call or go to your nearest ER . Your safety is the main priority and it could be that a short stay in hospital where you can just rest and be looked after by professionals for a time while your medication is adjusted is what you need to start your recovery. You can get through this and with medical and other help feeling well again won't seem as impossible as it does right now.
That's right, @Robert1979 - as @Lara_C said, it's a biological, medical condition: clinical/or major depression/disorder. . . & I second her sage advice: All of it! You can get through this. Good luck-
There is nothing to judge you for. Depression is not a character defect but a physical illness, a disorder in brain chemistry and functioning often caused by severe trauma like the one you are going through yourself. Its no more your fault than any other serious illness affecting any part of the body, for which you would seek expert medical help. Depression can be a life threatening condition so please regard it the same way as any other illness for which you would get medical help without giving what anyone else might think a second thought.
There are still ignorant people who might judge, but thankfully public education about mental illness is lessening the stigma which prevented people from getting the care they need. Pls don't let fear of what ignorant people might think stop you getting the help you might need to save your life Robert!
i'm sorry that you are struggling so much right now @Robert1979 but as others said it is a physical illness as well as a mental health issue. i remember all of the things that trigger you right now. most of my depression/anxiety is do to physical issues. but whatever your triggers are you can be helped by learning new coping skills.
you need professional help and soon. please call your doctor and be completely honest. he/she may prescribe meds and therapy or adjust them. your life is in turmoil right now but it will get better in time, you just have to hold on. and people aren't generally judged for mental health issues anymore. they are seen as being ill just like a heart issue or anything else. and safety is always the first concern. i hope you find a way to start recovery.