I just want to go.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by firehawk1, Jul 31, 2008.

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  1. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    Hi. I hope you are all well.

    I can't begin to explain to you about myself, about how great a career I have, my own business, being a DJ/producer as well amoungst other things. I am happy with what I have already achieved in life professionally and have a good life changing experience a few years ago and have always looked at things differently for the better.

    anyway I am cutting to the chase now

    I have been feeling like this for a while but tried to turn it around to the best of my ability but nothing is good enough. Now the feeling is as strong as ever.

    I really want to die and I am planning on doing this in a few hours, maybe later than that.

    I don't know what to do or say because I am emotionally stressed and mentally abused by alot of people for no reason at all.

    With the way society is these days..... I don't want to be a part of it anymore. enough is enough, its too much.

    No care, no sensitivity, no support. I have never been touched in the past year ever by anyone, not even by my own family let alone a woman.

    I dont drink, i dont do drugs, I am educated, I dont sleep around like most do these days. I have never had a short date or a fling in my life.

    It's difficult. It is a shame to waste a human life who has so much to give but is rejected by society.

    I am mixing it all up, dont know what to write. Cant even talk because of the way I feel right now. I dont have any more energy, nothing. im so so drained, no human should feel like this but it is apparent that people want to do this to other people because they arent happy themselves but its all about the exterior.

    I just thought I would post here. I don't know why. I'm sorry.

  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Don't apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for.

    Yeah, society has it flaws but the thing is, that those flaws are pretty big, hollow and pathetic. Anyways don't let what society dictates get to you. Your better then that.
  3. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    Thank-you I appreciate that however I am on my own always and constantly. sure everyone else in today's society are pathetic and shallow...but still I am on my own, totally isolated, no where to go, nothing. And it has let me down, I am disappointed, and even more disappointed in my own country that I live in with the way people are.

    I really really need to go. something has to be done to tell them and set them straight but of course no one will because they dont have time for that as they are in bed with someone, and thats far more important than serious issues.
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Just think of yourself. Don't care about others and society. Your definitely not alone in your opinions, there are loads of people who think the same way.

    Why not stay, especially on this forum where you can find and meet more and more people who you can relate to.
  5. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    I just want some physical interaction, in other words to talk to a human being face to face but I can't have that. I have no support, no nothing. I just .... I can't :(
  6. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    If you ever want to talk about anything that is bothering you then feel free to PM me anytime.

    I can understand that you want to talk to a human being face to face, one day you will meet someone who understands you and won't judge you.
    Try to stay positive ok.
  7. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Like mystic eyes said, one day you'll find someone who will be there to listen to you face to face.
    I know how you feel but this place helps me a lot. It's good to talk to people on here, and you know they care.
    Just keep your chin up, things will get better for you, i'm sure of it!
  8. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    Thanks folks I do appreciate it but I've heard this for many years. no one wants to listen to me at all. no one does and the way society is, no one will understand. trust me. all too busy in themselves and just... sleeping around, thats more important - its like a life/death thing to them, if they dont shack up at least 4 times a week minimum.... they will die. Stupid.

    and me? Well, I've only ever had 1 physical relationship in my life. Ever. and only Ever been with 1 person in my life. Ever. And im over 23.
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    We wouldn't bother posting if we didn't want to listen, so, whilst we're only online, we're here for you to talk to.
    Not everyone thinks sleeping around is important, i for one do not, and i don't see the shame in only having had sex with one person. I think it's highly admirable actually, that you don't bother acting like sluts some people. Really it's not a bad thing.
  10. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    thanks and im glad you see it from my point of view also. still, cant win either way with women.

    if its not about looks, its about race
    if its not about race, its about age
    if its not about age, its about how many partners you have had

    even though im very mature and successful for my age, still, never good enough. where does that leave me? in the back, gathering dust and rotting.

    i dunno. im gonna go for a walk soon. maybe ill be back but highly doubt it.
  11. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I can see where your coming from but trust me there are women out there who don't look at exterior qualities but instead interior ones like personality.
    Although most people act like looks only matter, I know that it doesn't and that not everyone is hardwired to just go for looks or go for them at all.
    Don't concentrate on what you see around, try looking past all that.
  12. NeverHappy

    NeverHappy Well-Known Member

    Man, your opening post reflects how I feel well.

    And that is all most seem to care about... just sleeping around with strangers. I've never touched a female in my life for what its worth, let alone in a sexual way.

    But I know for certain there are people out there who are not like that... however rare they may be.
  13. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    what country do you live in (if you don't mind my asking)? about the last part you wrote, I can't believe someone else pointed that out. my opinion, don't even acknowledge if you don't want to:

    1) looks don't matter
    2) race doesn't matter
    3) age is but a number (sometimes)
    4) sleeping around is disgusting

    again those are my opinions. but I don't even get acknowledged either. umm. . . don't know why I posted, I don't really know what to say. I wish that I could say everything will get better but I can't because I honestly don't know :sad:. but I do wish you the best of luck.
  14. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    Thank-you once again, I appreciate your thoughts and contributions and glad we have a common ground here, it means alot considering.

    sure I have been with older women (the relationship I had... was with an older woman). they make a big issue, its stupid.

    Most people here are really shallow, seriously. and I am based in the UK, just outside London.
  15. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Im afraid shallowness is a common quality most unfortunatelyn however u will find people on here and irl who are not, u just gotta put urself out there, meet new ppl.
  16. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    I was with an older guy. My parents made a big deal and I'm kinda glad they did. Do you mean most people on SF or do you mean people in general?
  17. NeverHappy

    NeverHappy Well-Known Member

    I'm also in the UK - the southwest to be specific. I've met 2-3 people of my age (16-17) who don't sleep around. The rest are promiscuous as hell. Most are also piss artists/drug addicts to boot. Nobody believes me when I tell them that I'm not interested in partying, clubbing, or having loads of girlfriends. That's how bad it has become in this country now.

    Take a look at programs like "Skins"... they don't even seem to acknowledge the existence of young people who aren't sex/drug/booze/partying/clubbing addicted. It's frankly depressing.

    However, I've found a very, very few like-minded people in this sick world.
  18. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    Same here (for the people ages 16-17 who don't sleep around thing). I'm also included in that. I've never done anything sexual with anyone (only one in my family other than the kids under about 13/14).
  19. NeverHappy

    NeverHappy Well-Known Member

    Good to know that there are like minded people in this world...

    Bonking some random stranger doesn't seem particularly romantic to me I guess. Actually I think it's pretty disgusting.
  20. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    yeh sure, i agree. its pathetic. if you have your head screwed on, as they say these days, and are educated, then nothing else matters apart from the internal click.

    if they are desperate, then they will be with someone who is unattractive and who has money. its pathetic!

    example, saw this huge arab with a plastic tall blonde... gee, wonder why she is with him, but you can tell she doesnt like colored people, seriously. im colored...i do have money but i dont use money in that sense.

    its just pathetic. all i ask is for someone to be like minded of the opposite gender but too much to ask for.

    then they say look positive. uh how can I when they are the ones that put me down for no reason? in addition, they dont know what positive is because they expect everything for them and that life is a walk in the park, when its not at all.

    looks can fade, and do fade, but inside never does but strengthens further.....

    here its like, 23 year old looking for a 35 year old.... that is sick. but what about me who is in the 20's range? nothing

    no idea if people heard but in the uk a couple of months ago, a toddler of a 23 year old who was going out with a 35 year old, she left the toddler at home whilst they both went out partying for the weekend...and the toddler slept in a pile of dirty clothes

    pathetic. Then they have the nerve to say they are a fit mother...yeh, sure.
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