I just want to kill myself...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by johnmarstongr, Mar 25, 2011.

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  1. johnmarstongr

    johnmarstongr New Member

    Hi, the title is not something new around here, anyway, I'm Harry and I'm 22 years old, I'm from Greece and I was diagnosed with ocd and depression back at 2009, I started a medication and it worked but then I stopped it, why? I don't know, I just stopped them and I was still feeling good, then I felt a bit bad and started again, sorry to explain this thoroughly but I want to explain to you my situation, so you won't tell me I overreacting by wanting to kill myself.
    Now after a long time that I finally stopped the pills (by myself) I feel like awful, but I don't think its depression, its too much problems on me, and I cannot stand them anymore, the latest problem I face is a joke I done with a friend by posting an ad on internet and I included a photo (yeah I was that stupid) and now I saw google can make this ad appear by just typing the name of my city and name of the site, if this comes out I will be humiliated at my school, they won't believe it was a joke, anyway, I have other problems as well, I have an uncle home that won't leave us, because we have grandma (his mother) and he believes we spend her money on luxuries and stuff, which we don;t, and he keeps making fights, I swore to kill him, and he stepped back, but he keeps doing this nerve-breaking psychological war to us, its just too much problems and I'm so weak and so little to manage and survive through them.

    My life sucks, I have extra pounds, no diet works, none! I will die alone, if I don't kill myself first, I think I'm a very good person, but I also feel I don't belong here, nobody loves me and nobody will ever love me, I mean ok my mother and brother love me (my father is a lousy person, don't get me start on that-my parents are divorced and he ignores me because now he has a new family-hurray for me!) but seriously nobody loves me, I mean outside of the family, who will miss me? I managed nothing and I'm 22! other co-students I had in high school, are all successful, I just missed that train.

    I say this while I'm pretty calm, I think I should die, I think my problems will end along with my life, and its not because I'm desperate, its because I'm sick and tired to move on to this shitty life....

    anyway opinion or whatever....
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun your 22 god don't give up yet so much life ahead so much you can do. Get back on those meds they are there to help you okay STress brings on depression so please do something good for YOU okay Get back on the meds contact facebook get photos taken off and move on okay You can do this hugs
  3. Kaine

    Kaine Member

    Keep strong. Things will improve. Get back on your meds. Don't compare yourself to people who didn't have to cope with your problems, they wouldn't have done as well as you have if they had your problems I bet.

    And your family sound like they really need you around. You're valued. So hang in there.
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Even if you killed yourself, you would still die alone.
  5. johnmarstongr

    johnmarstongr New Member

    I hear people saying "The sun will come out" but he never does, all I see is more clouds, its like I done something to someone and I get my punishment, yesterday I wrote that post and I had a major fight with that scumbag my uncle, I swear if I decide finally to kill myself, he is the first one who will join me, no I'm not mad, I'm sick and tired....thanks guys, I know you try to help but I think my problems came to stay..like forever!
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    you will cope much better with your problems if you are back on your medications ....
    please remember your Mum and brother love you and if you take your life they will be devastated...their lives will be changed forever (I know because I'm living this nightmare)
    you don't need to die...once back on your meds things won't seem so overwhelming..you said they worked before ...they should work for you again..
    trying all you can to help yourself is a far better option than taking your life.
    please stay safe and take care
  7. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    sounds like you shouldnt have quit the pills, get back on them. exercise instead of diet (you can eat whatever you want if you only exercise 1 hour a day) and let your parents sort your uncle out, thats not your problem. and if its really bad just ask your parents to give him an ultimatum and if he doesnt move out call the cops, he should remember hes a guest and has to act like one or he will become unwelcome
  8. johnmarstongr

    johnmarstongr New Member

    I started the medication yesterday, I took effexor and now it gave me a faster heartbeat, like I'm excited without a reason, I feel like my heart will explode, why this is happening? when I first took them it was fine, now they seem to not fit me! plus I want medications that won't cut my sexual desire, whenever I took effexor, I was like gay around women, I could not get aroused at all! and I'm not gay, believe me, but I feel ashamed to say this to my doctor, what should I say "Hey doc, I don't have an erection around women, can you give me something less annoying?", I want to be healthy again, I want to feel free again...
  9. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    it sounds like the side-effects i had when i took ritalin for the first time, it could be just adjustments from your body to get used to effexor. its like your first beer, the first one is like wow and maybe not as good tasting and you are drunk after 1, but later on you can have 2-3 no problems, and even like it. probably it will get better after about a week or so. if not i would contact your doctor you're getting palpitations and your libido is suffering under the meds you are currently getting, he probably has alternative anti-depressants.
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