I just want to know if anyone can relate.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Missi, May 17, 2012.

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  1. Missi

    Missi Member

    I'm twenty years old and I've had depression issues for as long as I can remember. I've thought about dying since I was little too. I've always been really socially awkward and I've never had a lot of friends (if any). Actually, I know people can't stand me most of the time. I've always felt like I am stupid, especially since I started working. Lately I've felt like I'm completely worthless.

    A while ago when I was in training for a job I used to have someone accused me of having Aspergers syndrome. I have to be honest, I was completely horrified by the idea. I remember how the kids with disabilities were treated in high school. I see how other adults treat them too. I didn't want to believe that I could be the same as them. That people saw me the way they saw them. But now looking back, I've realized that that's pretty much how I was treated. And people do see me as an idiot.
    So, I did some research on it. It turns out that I fit the bill. Almost to a T. I do experience empathy, which they said a lot of people with Aspergers syndrome don't, but I don't know if I show empathy very well.

    Before I had always thought that my problem was the depression. I didn't realize that depression was common in people with Aspergers. I guess the reason that this bugs me is that there is no cure. I will always be someone that no one can stand. I'll always be stupid and miserable and probably alone. I feel like the only way out is to die.
  2. Ajean

    Ajean Well-Known Member

    Hi Missi.
    My brother has Aspergers syndrome. Its kind of like any disability, with different levels of severity. He is very high functioning, but had to try very hard to learn to understand facial expressions, sarcasm, to feel empathy, to control his anger.

    It seem to me, in my very unprofessional opinion, that you shouldn't pull your hair out over it.

    They do have professional analyses and test and all sorts of things to see if you fit enough of the bill to be diagnosed. But they tend to be expensive.

    I was the same way as a child, mostly just sat around and dug holes in the field at school, no one liked me much. You aren't the only one.

    No, there is no cure for aspergers, but it isn't going to drastically change your life knowing you do for sure. You'll still be the same person, with the same quirks, the same favorite foods, everything.
  3. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    hey Missi... hugs to you
    yes i can relate. i am very socially awkward, being treated for depression and i doubt too that i have Asperger. i still function but it's getting harder after i graduated and started working. i have repetitive behaviors, for example, keep opening the same windows on the computer. i don't usually make eye contact with ppl and have trouble understanding social clues in many situations. i'm also very clumsy -- what they call coordination problems. it sucks.

    however, you do have choices, honey. first of all, start by choosing a job that fits you. then choose to be around ppl who are kind and nonjudgmental. always remember that you not a bad or stupid person. it's an illness.

    take care, okay? be kind to yourself :hug:
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