I just want to talk a little.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by almostreadytogo, Dec 20, 2010.

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  1. almostreadytogo

    almostreadytogo New Member

    I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't really care about much of anything anymore. Living seems completely pointless these days. I don't have a phone, so calling a suicide hotline isn't possible. I probably wouldn't call anyway. I don't want to kill myself, but I can. I'm truly tired of living. So tired I just want to fade away. It sounds clich'e, but who cares. My dads a former gang member who's (ironically) in prison right now, for whatever reason. My mom has severe HS, and she has her own mental issues to deal with. I have 3 sisters, but they're all in a whole different world. I've talked to them, they don't understand or believe what I think about. I failed high school because I didn't try. I have a job, but I don't get payed enough. I don't have any friends at all. I've never really gotten close to any girls, and all the guys I knew are now gangsters, drug dealers, in jail, or dead. I'm thinking about becoming a vigilante. It's not considered suicide if I die helping people right? I probably could make money as a criminal, but thinking about that stuff makes me sick. I'm not trying to plea for help or anything. I doubt anyone on this site can help me. I'll possibly end my life somehow, when it becomes too much (and it will, I know it will). I would get help but it would cost too much. My car is trashed, my house is in foreclosure. I feel so empty, everyday. I know that life is difficult period, but I don't know if I want to try anymore. I don't if I'm going crazy or not. I used to get angry a lot when I was in middle school. High school was just one big lonely, and depressing blur. Most people don't care, and those who do don't understand. I know my death will cause others pain, but eventually it won't matter. The people who would be hurt by my death will get over it in 5-10 years. I'll just be another name on a headstone somewhere. Before I do anything "permanent" I want to talk a little. So reply to this or pm me. It can be about anything, or everything.
  2. mowwww

    mowwww New Member

    all ears.
  3. almostreadytogo

    almostreadytogo New Member

    Honestly I'm starting to feel odd. I think I shouldn't have posted. I feel really messed up.
  4. topper

    topper Well-Known Member

    Talking about it can't hurt. It's therapeutic. Just let it out.
  5. almostreadytogo

    almostreadytogo New Member

    It was a mistake coming to this site. Thank you.
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    it wasn't a mistake. maybe you are having second thoughts about reaching out. that can be unnerving, especially if you are not used to it. give us a chance. many of us arrived here truly desperate and alone. we found a community of caring individuals, and every one of us has experienced suicidal feelings.

    welcome and hope you stick around for a bit.
  7. Winslow

    Winslow Antiquitie's Friend SF Supporter

    Based on what you said in your first post, you don't sound suicidal or despairing. Despair is when you are at the end of your rope, without any hope at all. What I gather from your description is that you suffer from boredom and/or lack of purpose.

    So the solution is to find a purpose in life. And it does Not have to be religion. After all, even the atheists find purpose in life.

    In my case, I have a goal I have to attain. That's the only reason I use the internet for the time being. In other words, I use the internet to enable me to reach my goal. Once my goal is reached, I will quit the internet, since part of my religion is that I stay away from technology as much as possible. So in my case,I still suffer frustration but I also have hope. And I also have perseverance. Sometimes perseverance is the only thing that one has. How else can one reach one's goal if one does not have perseverance? The struggle is worth it.
  8. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I think you're in a deep depression. I don't think that's surprising considering all you're going through.
    I'm sorry that you think it was a mistake to come here but the fact that you did come here suggests that you need to be here.
    I'm happy to talk to you about anything you want, it doesn't have to be anything to do with the purpose of the forum.
    What's your favourite film?
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi and welcome to SF. When you said that you're planning on becoming a vigilante, what exactly do you mean? Are you planning on hunting down gang members? There has to be a better way to live your life. Don't give up yet man.
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