I don't know how to start this really so I'm just going to sorta dive in. I'm not posting that I'm planning on taking my life right now or tomorrow or what ever. I can't do it. I know I have people here who care about me, love me.. and would miss me terribly if I go. I can't help but want it though. :sad: I feel like a burden to my family. Like I'm just causing problems and getting in the way here and in real life. Feeling like so many of the issues going on in my family are partly, if not completely my fault. I know that no one would ever go ahead and tell me that any of it's my fault accept my "mother". Who's extremely angry with me now....... I've screwed up many friendships, relationships in general. I'm not the greatest when it comes to being a friend... nevermind anything more.. maybe later..... I know I've let a lot of people down, lots on here as well... I try so hard not to SH.. but I always fail.. and I know I disappoint so many.... trust me it hurts me even more to know I have let you down then it does dragging the blade down my arm...... still I do it. I know that there's no way I could do it... but I can't help but want it... :cry: I know, I'm just whining.... Had a bad day I guess... not the worst.. I shouldn't be so depressed... there's many people in worse situations than I am... but.. I guess I'm selfish. self centered... I hate me.