I just wanted to say...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kezzie, Apr 29, 2013.

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  1. Kezzie

    Kezzie Well-Known Member

    Thank you, and goodbye
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Please don't leave, what's going on?
  3. Kezzie

    Kezzie Well-Known Member

    I can't do it anymore. It hurts so much. I just can't hold on.
  4. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Go to your GP for help. Go to your hospital and see the psychiatric team. Get yourself on some medication at least until the nightmare your currently experienicing has subdued somewhat. Just survive.
  5. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Kezzie ~ I'm so very sorry this pain lingers and builds. You have been through so much, it must be such a burden especially with so very little support irl. i wish i could come alongside you and help hold you up. I have no right to ask this but please try to hold on, just one more day. Just long enough to speak with a doc or therapist. Anyone that can give some emotional support/perspective.

    You are really so very strong. You've survived so much. You have so much more coming your way ~ wonderful things. I believe sorrow and joy are connected, when you get one the other is sure to come. You've had sooo much sorrow and pain at such a very young age; joy is out there just for you. It may not show up tomorrow but I know, I believe with all my heart, that your joy is finding its way to you. Please hold on. Keep talking/sharing here or on a crisis line or the ER. ♥ ♥ ♥
  6. Morisha

    Morisha Active Member

    Think about your loved ones before doing something you may regret in the future (ever thought about that you can end disabled If your suicide try does not work out?)
  7. Kezzie

    Kezzie Well-Known Member

    I'm still here. I haven't done anything yet. Am still trying to get the courage. I have nothing so why even bother. There is nothing left to live for and everyday is just one more day of torture. One more day of pain. I can't do it anymore
  8. Morisha

    Morisha Active Member

    Talk about your problems here,go and see a therapist.
    After you received help you'll definitely feel better.
    Trust me!
  9. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Kezzie I know this is hard. I understand that feeling of hopelessness ~ our experiences may be different but that sense of fatigue, a will to continue lacking, questions of why our lives have come to the point they have is so very familiar. The truth is that we don't know what tomorrow holds for us. We've lost those that meant the most to us and trying to carry on seems too hard, too much to ask. What if, however, there's a reason we are where we are? What if I'm still here because you need to KNOW there are those who love you and who will be devastated if you go? I, for one, will be very sad if you give in, give up, if you go. I consider you my friend and friends are precious to me. You are a treasure to me ~ someone of priceless value that cannot, that will never be replaced. ♥

    What if you're here for someone else that has had almost exactly the same experiences? What if you're going to bring another along that you are going to love more than you can imagine right now? What if time is trying to let you heal a little from your loss and pain so that you experience a truly loving relationship and have another AMAZING child? It may be too soon to contemplate that...the wounds are perhaps too recent and I know they are so terribly deep. The point is, however, as difficult as it is most days, we don't know what possible joyous events and wonderful people we are going to encounter or who are waiting to encounter us.

    It is ultimately your choice, your decision. I don't mean to add stress or send you on a guilt trip. I just want to make sure you consider alternative outcomes. I want to make it clear that there are others, whether you can believe it or not, who will be impacted, saddened, and grief stricken if you go.

    Maybe this is too public, maybe you don't feel you can discourse about your feelings safely. If you want to, you can send me a PM. I'm here and even though my days too can be dark, I intend to be here. I would like to be here for you my friend, if you will let me. ♥ ♥ ♥
  10. Kezzie

    Kezzie Well-Known Member

    I realise now that no one will miss me. No one will even notice that I'm gone. Its getting easier and easier to find reasons to end this life, and much harder to find reasons to continue to fight. I have nothing
  11. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Your realization is not altogether accurate. :blue: I will miss you. I will notice.
    Did something (or someone) hurt you today or is the pain more intense? Is there anyone you feel free to talk with? ♥
  12. Kezzie

    Kezzie Well-Known Member

    I have no one. No one cares, no ones sees, no one wants to. People say loss gets easier with time, this is just getting harder. It hurts so much and nothing makes the pain go away, nothing. I just don't know who to turn to.
  13. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Dear, dear Kezzie, I understand and I am so very sorry you are in such tremendous pain.

    It is that much worse when we don't have at least one caring individual IRL that we can see and touch. I don't think loss of loved ones ever gets easier. I think, with each day we are able to endure, the pain and sadness becomes more bearable. I can say my pain has been less the center of my focus each day over the past two years but I still get ambushed by my feelings and memories. What helps me is having people to talk with (here and irl). I did not think that would help really. I avoided counseling for a long time but I have found it gives me an outlet. I can talk or cry as needed and I'm not judged or put down or given a bunch of backwards help (like "it gets easier with time".) Don't get me wrong, people who say things like that want to help - they've likely not experienced crushing pain and loss in their lives. They don't realize what they're saying sometimes adds to our sorrows. And they are trying to be caring so they deserve credit for that.

    My help came through an old friend (we'd not spoken in years.) We had lost touch but happened to run into each other and she kept inviting me to do things. It took a couple months before I agreed. She invited me to things I would not normally choose but I went and I met people who were kind and interesting and understanding. It took a year, almost before I was open to the idea of just talking with a woman I'd met. She is a counselor but also a friend (now) and she asked if I was interested in counseling. I was not. She asked if I was interested in just getting together and talking once in a while. THAT I could do. She was willing to invest her time and just ask questions to help draw me out. Some I could answer others were too painful and she let me cry. It was a beginning. It was the one bright spot in my week. I looked forward to talking with her.

    Even with that I continued to sink deeper into my depression. She could not treat me as a friend and she couldn't be my friend if she was treating me so I found a counselor I could work with and kept my friend.

    Is there a counseling resource where you are? How about a caring pastor at the local church? Or keep talking here for now. Something IRL would help a lot but so do those I've met here. The biggest help to me has been talking, sharing and staying out of my own head, in silence. THAT will guarantee that I'm going to feel worse soon. When it is me and my thoughts and memories alone I am sure to want to give up.

    Please keep posting. Feel free to PM. Just don't isolate yourself. We can find things that help. I know we can. ♥♥♥
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2013
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