I just widh it could all be over with

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xXxRNBxXx, May 30, 2010.

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  1. xXxRNBxXx

    xXxRNBxXx Senior member

    Recently I have distanced myself from everyone close to me...

    Last night I went out and got soooo soooo drunk I dont even remember getting home etc... to me this is really bad.

    I feel disgusted in myself I really do.

    Im having nightmares again and there horrible flash backs from things that have affected me in my life badly.

    I feel dead inside...

    I have so much medication/tablets saved up... I also have alcohol
    Im also alone, no ones around to bother me etc as they have gone away for the bankholiday...

    So I guess the balls in my court now... whats really stopping me?

    I think the only thing thats bothering me at thee moment is what the consiqunce may be if it fails... what things may be dug up what may happen etc if it doesnt go to plan...

    I really dont know...

    Tonights going to be so hard for me...


    Sorry......
     
  2. xXxRNBxXx

    xXxRNBxXx Senior member

    Well i have just been shown how much of a failure i am. so yeah good bye all
     
  3. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I think your reasons for not going through with any plan is a good one. The chemicals we consume to make us feel better or to fix ailments are very hard on our system.

    You are not alone hun. While I may be hundreds of miles away I still know you are here. I still lie around and suffer by myself just like you. Everyday I don't know why I wake up. Whenever I get drunk I consider all my methods. Yet everyday I wake up and go on.

    There are other ways of easing you pain :hug: You just have to find them.
     
  5. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    If you've got the ability to find a significant other, I envy you, because it could be worse for you. You could have my disease, a disease which makes having a terminal illness seem like a comforting thought. I know you feel deserve better and agree that you deserve better. But perhaps people less fortunate than you (like myself) can make you feel better.
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    please don't take the pills....I've read so many stories that it most likely will fail and you will have some medical complaint after....liver, kidneys, etc...
    instead go get some help ...doctor, ER, or call crisis..
    and keep talking here..
     
  7. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    you are my original friend here. i hope you dont leave.
     
  8. xXxRNBxXx

    xXxRNBxXx Senior member

    Well it all got pushed to one side yet again as my daughter was taken in hospital yet again. Something always happens to spoil my plans...

    She's back home now and yet again ive woke up in a very dark place.... to add to it my divorce petition has arrived and i just read it its soooo triggering bringing back so many bad memories of him :( I feel so down today im in a black hole and can't find my way out.
     
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Awww I am sorry to hear your child got in the way of your plans. Don't you know your life is not your own when you are a parent :lol!: . One reason why u will never reproduce... anyway.

    Maybe you just need a day off. Treat yourself nice, you know curl up in bed with a good book. Or watch a movie, go for a long walk. I know what it is like being in that black hole. We all have to fight it. You can fight it as well, it might hurt a little but you will be better for it. I wish I could say more to make you feel better.
     
  10. xXxRNBxXx

    xXxRNBxXx Senior member

    Thanks hun *hug

    I have tried treating myself etc and ntohing happens.

    I just really honestly dont know what the out come is going to be....

    Only time will tell i guess
     
  11. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I hope I at least got a snicker out of the kids comment. I know how you feel about treating yourself. Sometimes it just does not work.

    :( I really wish I could help you more. I know the feeling of letting date dictate my happiness and it is not pleasant. Rarely does it come out like you expect or want. I do not know anything about divorce, children or stuff like that. However, I might be able to offer up another view PM me we can talk through this. Maybe we can find some way to help you regain hope And motivation to change for the better.
     
  12. xXxRNBxXx

    xXxRNBxXx Senior member

    Thanks so much :hug: i'll pm you now xx
     
  13. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :( I did not receive a PM from you hun I hope everything is ok.
     
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