I just needed someone to write this, so bare with me- needed somewhere to write openly and honestly without social media kicking in and people thinking im... yeah regardless I had the crappest day- for those of you who have seen my posts over the last 5 or so years will know and understand me. I suffer from multiple things that are not rare or special. I have emotional instability, sever anxiety, depression (comes and goes) and have been battling an eating disorder (nailing it i think :wink-new: ). have tried kill to myself ect.... Who cares really? right now, i work full time have gotten my life together after my break down last year- i now study dental and am full on with the salvation army- ( working with youth in danger, homeless, overseas, mission trips ect... AND i have a boy friend. All those things are quite awesome and positive and things to focus on. But everyday the more I ask myself the more I really feel like, just shouldn't exist. I dunno maybe I just need a good cry.... havent done that in ages and have just passed a year of not self harming!! and it kills me everyday. I think that is the hardest thing for me at the moment. I got myself a DSLR camera to reward myself, because it was quite a milestone for myself personally. i find myself here on this little space on the internet to express my feelings. I am just feeling rather down tonight. Missing my friends- they all live about 3 hours away from me, and i miss them alot. I have a pet bird that keeps my rather happy his tame and loves fruit anyways i think ill down a packet of red deli sour cream and sweet chilly chips and watch some Law and Order SVu - does any other victims of childhood abuse, sexual abuse find themselves ever watching SVU or anything like that? let me know- or just generally chat to me, like i said my friends live far away and yeh i guess Im lonely ive taken enough of your time for you reading my ramble. from lozzie x - sorry if this makes no sense.