i just

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lozzie, Mar 11, 2013.

  1. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    I just needed someone to write this, so bare with me- needed somewhere to write openly and honestly without social media kicking in and people thinking im... yeah regardless

    I had the crappest day- for those of you who have seen my posts over the last 5 or so years will know and understand me. I suffer from multiple things that are not rare or special. I have emotional instability, sever anxiety, depression (comes and goes) and have been battling an eating disorder (nailing it i think :wink-new: ). have tried kill to myself ect....

    Who cares really?

    right now, i work full time have gotten my life together after my break down last year- i now study dental and am full on with the salvation army- ( working with youth in danger, homeless, overseas, mission trips ect... AND i have a boy friend.

    All those things are quite awesome and positive and things to focus on. But everyday the more I ask myself the more I really feel like, just shouldn't exist. I dunno maybe I just need a good cry.... havent done that in ages and have just passed a year of not self harming!! and it kills me everyday. I think that is the hardest thing for me at the moment. I got myself a DSLR camera to reward myself, because it was quite a milestone for myself personally.
    i find myself here on this little space on the internet to express my feelings. I am just feeling rather down tonight. Missing my friends- they all live about 3 hours away from me, and i miss them alot.

    I have a pet bird that keeps my rather happy :D his tame and loves fruit :D

    anyways i think ill down a packet of red deli sour cream and sweet chilly chips and watch some Law and Order SVu :) - does any other victims of childhood abuse, sexual abuse find themselves ever watching SVU or anything like that? let me know- or just generally chat to me, like i said my friends live far away and yeh i guess Im lonely

    ive taken enough of your time for you reading my ramble.

    from lozzie x - sorry if this makes no sense.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You can feel so proud of yourself...it is expected that we have days like this...maybe you can express how you feel in a photo diary and give words to the photos afterwards...continued success and glad you expressed it here
     
  3. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    lozzie thank you for sharing - you should feel really good about your successes and your efforts to reach out and help others. I think it's awesome that you've battled ED and SH and are making strides in conquering these things. I'm sure there are days when a good cry is what you should allow yourself - if you need help watch a sad old movie - you know, a guaranteed tear jerker.

    I was a childhood victim and I too like to watch SVU - really like it when bad guys get it! It pisses me off though if they ever get away with it. I hope you don't mind my reply but I thought it was something I had to say and to let you know your sharing touched me. Hang in there and here's to year two of nailing ED and not doing SH! :bounce:
     
  4. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    thankyou :D thats really encouraging :D
     
  5. lozzie

    lozzie Well-Known Member

    Your very welcome. I think for the most part is noticing that once I noticed that I conquered what i like to call my first milestone, it makes me feel good. It makes me feel that i can do anything, I changed my room around for the first time in many years and to have the energy to do that was so awesome :)
    Oh im very excited to find someone else you likes to watch SVU :D I like it when the bad guys are caught too, especially when Benson and Stabler interrogate them so much that they crack. Its like YES! take that dirt bags! haha

    Yeah i try make it 2 years :D hey thanks heaps the both of you- dead set legends!!!!!!!