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I keep hoping its a dream.

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I think this happened.... But it feels like a dream when i think about it. Its not though... My 6 year old mind could never dream this up.

I dont even know what to call it. Rape? Molestation? It makes me feel sad and my insides tighten when i remember.

It was my older male cousin who did it. He had to have been... 14?
No doubt he himself was curious about sex. I just wish it wasnt me he used. I was only 6 maybe 7 at the time. He took me upstairs. He was supposed to be babysitting my brothers and i. We played a new game, one where neither of us needed pants. He.. Liked to touch down there and see what fit. His d-ck musta been too big thank god. He also liked putting it in my mouth. I remember it. It was huge to me then. ( i know its graphic but i need to get all of it out, tryin to be gentle)

I dont know how many times this happened. I dont know. Its a deep dark secret i'll never speak and it doesnt hurt if I never think about it.

Cant blame a 14 year old boy for being curious.


Well-Known Member
you cant blame a 14 year old boy for being curious, but you can blame him for acting on it with his 6 year old cousin that was pretty much defenseless and in his care!
im sorry that has happend. its good to talk about it, so well done for sharing.
what he did was really wrong. you may choose to forgive him, or not. personally i have not forgiven my abusers. it's up to you. forgiveness is not a requirement for healing.

good for you for posting about this. i encourage you to talk about it with a therapist. there is a good book, too, called courage to heal, if you are not ready to talk about it yet in therapy the book will help.

you say it's had no effect on you but you are here on SF. feeling suicidal is a common response to being sexually abused. as is feeling worthless, low self esteem, issues with trust, sex, and your body. don't minimize what happened.

glad you wrote about this, keep posting as much as you need... always happy to listen

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