I keep swollowing lead weights

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by goat199, Oct 24, 2009.

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  1. goat199

    goat199 New Member

    I dont know if this is the right place to be posting this. I keep swallowing lead weights, some the size of a large marble. Could this be fatal? I have also ground it into powder and ingested it. If I keep doing this could it cause major damage or death?
     
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    yeah. lead itself is extremely dangerous. plus considering the size, there is a choking hazard.
     
  3. Øyvind

    Øyvind Senior Member

    You'll get brain damage
     
  4. HaveNot

    HaveNot Active Member

    I hope you can consider to hold up on poisoning yourself or potentially damaging vital organs and your well being. Just thinking about swallowing a marble size lead weight just sounds nasty, why don't you cook up something to eat.
     
  5. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    can i ask why you do it?
     
  6. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    What the hell are you doing that for?
     
  7. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Get the lead out. Better yet, listen to Led Zeppelin.
     
  8. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I believe led will cause brain damage way before causing death. You will end up feeling worse and possibly not being able to care for yourself. I don't think that is what you want.

    Please call the crisis line and please keep posting here. It will help you.

    :hug:
     
  9. goat199

    goat199 New Member

    Ok there is a whole lot more to the story than you know, obviously lol. Lets start out with the crap that is already wrong with me. BTW this is not a pity party, I am sharing my story/information with you. When I was in 3rd or 4th grade I was diagnosed with ADHD, no big deal except that I have been on Ritlin, Dexadrine, Stratera, some patch, concerta, And the worst of all Adderall. I have been on one of these since then, I dont know like 16 17 years. Adderall for 10 of those. I have found out in college that Im not only ADHD but am very slow at learning, which if you really think about it can screw everything up. I have to take a lot of classes twice, this is even with the school helping me with their accommodations. Adderall and all those other drugs i listed make me very depressed but if I don't take them I fail classes, trust me Ive tried lots of time to prove this theory wrong. even when I take my adderall it still takes me twice as long to read and i only comprehend 1/2 of what I read. it takes me twice as long to do everything I have noticed. So there is that portion of my story. This next portion is about my anxiety/depression/mood irregulation disorder, which I have been diagnosed with by some very fine doctors. In highschool I was happy, I had a very good friend who was very popular and so even though I was shy and quiet (from the adderall) I was able to be happy. Then in college I moved in with a lot of my friends and was happy, though i failed some classes. when I turned about 20 my brain chemicals went off the deep end, I was clinically depressed, had major anxiety, panic attacks, and my mood was up and down all the time. The doctors assured me I did not have bi-polar, if you were wondering. Since then I have had 3 overdoses attempts of suicide. those were more a cry for help. I was in a mental hospital for a week or so and they released me and I have a great counselor now. But I have been on the following meds after this, the ones I can remember anyway:
    Zoloft
    Lexapro
    Effexor
    Prozac
    Wellbutrin
    Neurontin - 800mg 5x a day
    Lamictal - 400mg 1x a day
    Seroquil - 200mg at night
    ambien - 10mg night
    Xanax - 4mg/day
    Klonopin - 4mg/day
    Atavan
    doxycycline - for acne

    I was doing fine with the lamictal seroquil and neurontin... UNTIL my insurance ran out. now I have to get the cheap crap that is addictive and has bad side effects.
    I am currently on klonopin 3mg a day, Lamictal 200mg a day (thank goodness I can stilll have this one, it has been the most help) and ambien oh and ritlin. I have been trying to date, but they all go bad and I know its because of all the weird stuff about me. I don't tell them much of course about my medical history. I have become very depressed again and want no more "crys for help". That is why I have been consuming lots of lead and exercising and trying to dehydrate myself so the lead is better absorbed. I dont mind brain damage, I have it already. and eventually will die if I keep quiet about what im doing.
    There is the condensed version.
    I made this post simply to know if the lead would eventually kill me. Every other site I post on wont tell me because They want to know why I need that info. But after doing lots of research I have my answers.
     
  10. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    That's a hell of a story Goat, and I'm really sorry it's all seemed to go down for you, when it sounded like you were doing ok for so long.

    I just want to say, ingesting lead is long term - what happens if you do manage to feel better, if the drugs do get you back to feeling ok, if something good happens, like meeting someone who really likes you, and then it's too late, because the poison is already there working away all by itself? Wouldn't it be better to put that aside, and if you still feel suicidal, just making a plan instead, finding a way that lets YOU be in control. What do you think?
     
  11. goat199

    goat199 New Member

    Thats true, ive thought about that. im kinda laying off. but sometimes the panic attacks will just do their damn thing. im trying to meet more girls at church and activities.
     
  12. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Hi Goat, welcome to the forum.

    Can I just give you a gentle reminder that asking about methods - which is essentially what this is - isn't allowed here..

    Please do keep posting, though.

    Take care,
    Abacus.
     
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