I keep writing notes for if/when I "check out." I only attempted once, and sort of caugt myself before I followed through, but since then I have started writing two separate notes in case the darkness wins out. It's the strangest feeling. I try to put on the page what I'm feeling and why I'm going even though it won't make sense to the people reading it. I try to soften the blow even though I know that's impossible. But I keep writing thinking I will need it soon, that I'm going to give up eventually and that these preparations make sense, to clarify things while I'm close to even headed. Can anyone relate? Does it make sense to anyone else?