About a week ago, I found a cat on the street. Her legs weren't working, and she was crying out. She sounded just like a baby. When I stopped to pet her, she started purring… so I made a decision then and there that I was going to help her. I picked her up as carefully as I could, and carried her home in the raincover from my backpack. All the way home I was using a reassuring voice, trying to get her to calm down and not be so scared. I took her in, gave her a bath (she hated that), some water and some tuna. She fell asleep in my room. The next day, i took her to the vet's in my town. They said she had a dislocated leg… and they said they would fix it. But they're not really a real vet, they're mostly for farm animals. But I'm a foreigner here so I don't really know such things… I didn't know then, but I know now. After a few more days, I had really warmed up to her and I think that she had warmed up to me. I was giving her better food and I bought a little container for her to sleep in. There was no kitty litter available in my town (yeah, it's small), and I know I should have gotten her some, but it's too hard being just me and I didn't want to leave her alone. Also, this isn't a cat-friendly town and they're mostly just seen as vermin… and I don't have friends so I can't ask the neighbors. But she hadn't passed any stool, which was concerning, so I convinced my co-worker to take me into the city vet to have her looked at. The x-ray came back and it turns out she had a broken pelvis and it was making it painful for her to pass stool. He said she had been hit by a car… and he could fix it, but it would cost well over $1,000. Part of me wanted to, but it's a lot of money. He told me that she could still have an alright life, because she was only 7 months old and she would heal, but have a limp… I went home with some painkillers and antibiotics for her… and some really good food as well, but I hadn't had the chance to pick up kitty litter because I just wanted to get her home and it's hard being single and friendless. But it was really hard for her to move around anyways so I had just been keeping her in the open container with a towel and some absorbent diaper sort of things, and spending all of my time with her and then waiting for her to start meowing and then changing the towel and diaper-- so yeah, it was just like having a baby and she was waking me up in the middle of the night to be changed, but I honestly didn't mind because she was such a nice cat. So a few more days pass and I'm really quite attached to her… we watched Dexter together, and sometimes we'd just be laying on my bed together and I'd talk to her and she would purr and be happy. But I think she had some kind of anxiety because she would always get worried when I left the room… I just went into the living room to do some pushups and she kept meowing and peed herself. Anyways, at this point she still hasn't passed any stool and it was really worrying me… she would pee sometimes but I think it was painful because she would cry while she did. So yeah, I'm on the Internet constantly, trying to figure out how to get her to pass stool… and there's something on there about canned pumpkin, which I couldn't get here, and baby food, which I also couldn't get (it's a pretty fucked up town), and laxatives, which are hard to get (they're here but I don't know how to ask for them), and enemas… so I call up the vets in town and they say they can give her an enema no problem. So the next day after a half day at work I take her in to see them, and instead of giving her an enema, they just give her two needles that I didn't ask for… but she still seems reasonably fine, so I take her home and leave her there while I finally go out to see if I can get her some proper cat things. I buy her a litter tray, a huge heavy-ass bag of litter that I hauled back to my apt. from the bus station, a new water/food dish, some baby food, some nice cat food, and some beans with lots of fiber. When I get home I find her on the floor, stiff as a board, and having a seizure. I don't know how long it had been going on for, but there was a pretty big stream of drool on the floor. I rush her into my room, holding her as tight as possible, trying to warm her up, trying to get her to come out of it, but there's absolutely nothing. Her eyes are big and black, she's not responding to anything, her eyes aren't moving, her head isn't moving, her body is limp and then stiff, she's drooling and shaking and having seizure after seizure, and when she does she just screams out and flails her limbs. I call the vet in town, but at this point they say that there's nothing they can do… they can't even put her to sleep, because they only deal with cows. I got really angry and said that I only wanted an enema today and you said you could do it and then you just gave her needles without my permission… there's really nothing I can do-- all the vets are closed and they're also about an hour away by taxi, and for over an hour she just keeps having seizure after seizure after seizure, and her eyes are still big and black and there's nothing in them… so at this point I'm pretty sure that even if she does survive, she's going to have brain damage. And she just keeps drooling and choking and flailing and screaming, and I don't know what else to do but hold her tight and talk to her… and finally I start whispering to her that if she wants to die she can die… and then there are more seizures, and it's starting to become obvious to me that she's not going to make it… So at this point I start thinking about the best way to end her life. I'm not going to get any help, and I just can't stand seeing her flailing and screaming and drooling and panting… and worst of all, with absolutely nothing in her eyes. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: removal of details> it only takes about 30 seconds or maybe a minute. I don't think there was any suffering-- she didn't really resist because she didn't even know it was happening. There weren't even any real responses left, it was all just seizures… and I think the reason it didn't take long was because there wasn't so much blood or oxygen going to her brain at that point anyways. And then I just started crying. I cried more than I have ever cried for another living thing, including my 4 grandparents and the dog I grew up with. I think because they were old and had had good lives, and because they had never been my responsibility. I actually felt like my chest was going to cave in. She was so young, and I wanted to help her so badly-- and when I found her some scumbag had just hit her with their car and not cared and left her to die, and because she was so nice and sweet and she really seemed to love me… I honestly haven't ever had anyone who seemed to like me like that… even though I know it was just because she needed help to survive, I still felt like if I could help her then finally someone in this world would actually love me. And I actually felt better about myself while she was around… it was so nice to be taking care of someone… I really wanted to keep her and help her get better and make her a really nice room (I have an extra room in my house that I had planned on making into a cat room and like making little houses and scratching posts and toys and everything). So I feel like I totally failed her. Maybe some of you will think I'm horrible for killing her myself and not taking her to the vet to do it with drugs, I don't know… but I actually really loved that cat (even though I didn't even give her a name) and I only did it because I didn't want to see her suffer or end up as a vegetable… but apparently, when a cat is having seizures they don't even know it so I don't think there was any suffering involved. I buried her underneath a tree on the mountain, right beside a giant rock.