I killed my friend =/ (may trigger)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ihatemyself, Jun 6, 2010.

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  1. Ihatemyself

    Ihatemyself Account Closed

    So here's the story, I killed my friend. Lets take it back a few hours. I receved my disabality check, and me and my friend went and <Mod Edit, *music* , Methods>I woke up in the hosptal and my friend was dead, because we wanted a stupid high. I am already bipolar, and have PTSD from Iraq. I can't think postive when everything around me is so negative, it feels if I am on the edge of a cliff and one more thing will push me off. what the hell do I say to his parents? I killed your son, the only person I could tell my stupid problems too. <Mod Edit; *music*, Methods> thinking that would do the job but just woke up the next day sick. I seen most of my friends die in Iraq thoes images are burned in my head. It feels like history keeps repeteing itself. Dogs eating children soldiers be watching just chilling. people you killed at the time I keep seeing there faces in my mind. A few years ago around 1988-1995 I was abused by my heroine addicted mother. Then went from foster home to foster home. I need a friend I can call a friend. I feel so alone and lost, right now. I don'tt want to relapse and cut again, but thats all I keep thinking about. O yea my mother died of cancer when I was in iraq, I missed the funeral. I want to die.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2010
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I dont know much about what its like to be in a war.. but I do know it feels terrible to loose someone close to you.. Ive also seen a person get shot before and I know thats tramatic and can be and it is very triggering.. Im not sure I can releate a whole lot, but Im here if you want to chat.

    I know its hard to stay alive when all of this is going on, but you seem to be handling it ok for the moment. Im not sure what Id tell my friends parents if I caused somthing to happen like that. I prob would naturally avoid them at first, but Im not sure thats a good idea.

    Hope Im not asking for too much or being rude, but do you have other friends? Or people you enjoy to be arround? Maybe you should find someone to be affectionate with.. or maybe just go places with.

    Sorry I dont know much about you, so Im not sure exactly how to be helpful. But I hope things will work out for you.
  3. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    From what I read you did not kill your friend. Your friend took the pills on his own free will. You did not force him to take it. I hope you can find someone to talk with. Keep on posting here for support.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree with GA lost......
    you didn't kill your friend....he did choose to take those pills and you couldn't force him to do it.....it is lucky that you survived since you took the same risk....
    you have a lot to deal with but stay strong.....
    are you getting professional help of any kind?
    we are here to help support you if we can so please keep talking here...
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