I killed my own mother....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cfox, May 8, 2011.

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  1. cfox

    cfox New Member

    My mother had a surgical procedure called a whipple. This is a major surgery performed mostly for people with pancreatic cancer. In my mother case, she did not have cancer. She had a non cancerous tumor. The recovery was difficult and painfully, Serious depression set in and my mother attempted suicide many many times. A live in caregiver was hired to take care of my mother but that ended up being a terrible mistake. The caregiver took over the house by redecorating, forging checks and using my mother credit cards. I tried everything to get this slime caregiver out of the house including calling the police. The caregiver claimed to be a tenant that was renting a room. In California, tenant/landlord law is only one sided in favor of the tenant and in this case, the caregiver does not need to prove she moved in as a tenant, The burden to prove other is on the person in the landlord position. One day my mother could not take it anymore and again tried to commit suicide by drug overdose. When I found out about her plan, I immediately called 911 and insisted on doing a 51/50. This was the worst mistake I ever made in my entire life. The reason why I say this is because the hospital my mother was sent to did not take care of her basic medical needs and caused a somewhat healthy person to end up with septic shock that eventually killed her. I can not forget the night when the ambulance picked up my mother at her house for the planned suicide. I promised my mother that I will make sure everything will be all right. It wasnt. If I simply did nothing or at least not insisted on doing a 51/50, my mother will still be alive today. I have a tremendous amount of quilt for what I did. I realize my decisions were based on what I thought was the best thing to do but in the end, in an indirect way I commit murder on my own mother. I can NOT live with that. Today is Mothers Day and I am having a very difficult time. My attorney is finalizing the trust hopefully this week. When that is complete, I will end my life at a nearby luxury hotel. I have more then <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>, so this should by easy and guaranteed to work.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 8, 2011
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know that hearing this won't make the guilt go away, but you didn't kill your mother. What happened is awful, and I'm really sorry for what you've been through. But it isn't your fault. You did the best you could, and to be honest, I think you did what a lot of people would have done.

    I know guilt is awful to live with. But I hope you can find the strength to reconsider your plan. Have you considered seeking some sort of therapy, maybe even grief counseling, to help you deal with the emotions you're facing?

    Here if you feel like talking, feel free to PM me anytime.
     
  3. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    There is no way you could have known that the hospital she'd end up in would be negligent in her care. This isn't your fault. It is the hospital's.
     
  4. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    I can only repeat that you didn't kill her. It's easy to look for someone to blame even if that person is yourself, but it's not your fault.
     
  5. Wanteddead

    Wanteddead Account Closed

    At the time you were doing what you thought was best for your mom due to the care giver taking advantage of your mother. The hospital had her in their care and it was an accident, don't be too hard on yourself. Hindsight is always 20/20

    Let me reiterate what the others said you're not responsible for her death, you did not kill her. Something bad happened in the hospital which you thought was the best and safest place for her.

    I think I'd blame myself(at least some) if I were in that position as well however it's not your fault, remember that. If you believe in heaven or if your mother were here what do you think she'd want you to do due to her accidental death? She wouldn't want you to beat yourself up with guilt and there's NO WAY she'd want you to end your own life due to her misfortune. One tragedy does not make another okay please don't do anything irrational, in your despair.

    Your mother would want you to forgive yourself and move on with your life and be the person she raised you to be. Think of all the other people you'd hurt as well.

    Maye you could set up a memorial or some kind of way to honor her life maybe like a golf tournament once a year, or a fund to help others.

    Best wishes
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2011
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Have you gotten rid of the aide?? I would call the cops again and report the credit card fraud.. She will do some time for that.. You shouldn't feel guilty, it wasn't your fault that your mom passed.. It sounds like there was some negulance on the hospitals part.. I hope you can forgive yourself..
     
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    cfox I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Mum..
    It wasn't your fault..you did what was in her best interests and you had no idea the hospital would be negligent..
    some grief counseling might be helpful to you ...
    I hope you will postpone plans to hurt yourself and get some help first..
    take care
     
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