I kind of hate my family

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Fayt, Jun 26, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Fayt

    Fayt Member

    It sort of feels like nobody listens when I speak (part of why I speak to them as little as I can). I've had problems with my brother for a while now, it's gotten to a point where I don't trust him when he's nice because I know that he's going to just be a jackass a few minutes later. The issues that I've been having with him have been going on for a few years now, the cycle doesn't really change. First he'll find me doing something that I enjoy, then he'll do what he can to make me feel bad about doing whatever it is that I enjoy doing. After that has been accomplished, I'll question my life choices and rationalize that I might as well just kill myself to break this irritating cycle, he'll act somewhat nice to me for a short time and the cycle will repeat from step 1 all over again. I feel like the only one that has noticed the pattern though, despite how painfully obvious it is. I've pointed this out to my mother, her response to my suicidal tendencies has been to send me to therapy, say that my therapist is not doing their job when I still have suicidal tendencies, and to tell me "maybe I should just send you to a 'group therapy home' ".

    I've made the situation as clear as I possibly can to my mother, that every time I interact with my brother I end up feeling as if I should kill myself. I've even laid out a solution for how I might feel differently: no contact with my brother for at least a month, just to see if there is any improvement. My mom seems to not understand that concept. She'll respond to my solution with "Well what do you want me to do? I can't just kick him out" - My brother has already moved out. He just happens to come back home every fucking day. What an independent guy. But I'm not telling her to kick him out (and I've explained this to her multiple times). I'm just saying I'd like to see if I might feel better after not constantly being told that i'm a worthless person and waste of resources for a month.

    Today my brother spoke with me again, because...fuck it, what else is supposed to happen? He's supposed to not talk to me? How outlandish. So, being the trusting idiot that I am, I took my stupid family's "If you have a problem with anything, just tell us about it" bullshit to heart. I told my mother, what a fucking mistake. She started acting as if she had no idea that I wanted zero contact with my brother, despite the fact that this "experiment" was supposed to have started a few months ago. I asked her if it will ever start, if it will ever happen at all. This time the family's hypocrisy came through: "If you want that to happen, you might just have to move out". Thanks, Mom. My fucking brother has already technically moved out, has a job and has a roommate. I however am both not in school and unemployed. But fuck that, I'm the one that has to move out if I want this to happen. She can't kick my brother out of the house, despite his already having moved out, but of course the unemployed kid can be told to move out. I fucking hate my mother and my brother. Nobody fucking listens then they act like I've never brought up any of these problems with them before. How can I make my "family" listen to me? Because so far, it feels like the only way they'll listen is when the words come from my corpse.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.