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I knew it!!!

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Leiaha, May 16, 2010.

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  1. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I just knew this would happen, I knew it would come back again, I knew I would spiral out of control again. Here it is! I went to bed feeling very sad about my brother and woke up wanting to kill myself again :sad:
    I hate this. Five months with only a minor blip here and there and, I really, really thought/hoped I had cracked it, come out the other side. I am actually surprised that I feel this bad again.
    What the hell is the point if it's going to come back everytime something sad/bad happens? I give up, I'm soooo disappointed with myself :sad:
    I am sooo damn angry today, I was rude to every member of my family, snapped at them and ignored them all day. Now I feel guilty as hell, It's not their fault is it.
    I just can't be bothered with this anymore........whatever! :mad:
  2. Pow

    Pow Well-Known Member

    Don't worry everyone has there moments when they snap, it's better to get it all out then bottle it in. :hug:
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    don't be too hard on yourself ..you are grieving...suicidal thoughts are part of the grieving process so you can't help how you feel.....
    keep fighting those thoughts of suicide....
    the anger is also part of the grief you feel for the loss of your brother..this is not just something sad/bad that's happened....you've lost a member of your family...major bigtime grief..
    it is such early days yet for you on the road of grief....treat yourself with care..
  4. jabooty

    jabooty Banned Member

    ive learned that when you go to bed upset you usully wake up even more upset, as in your case.

    always try to get the negative energy out before going to sleep.
  5. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I only recently got back in with my family, I had nothing to do with them for over 2yrs. My Psychologist persuaded me to give them another chance, now I wish I didn't :sad: The only ones I kept in touch with were my brother (who just died) and my mum. They drive me crazy..... literally!
    I still feel the same today but, I wouldn't do anything anyway, not before his funeral which is on Friday :( I hope I can handle it! I have no choice but to go to bed upset at the moment.
    Thank you all so much for your support, it really does help at this time :grouphug:

    Lea x x x
  6. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Lea :arms:. I'm sorry hun. I don't know what to say.

    Thinking of you :hug:.
  7. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Thanks Claire, there isn't much anybody can say really is there? :hug: I don't even know what to say myself. I really thought I had conquered it...... I really did! I can't see any point trying anymore, everything is just so much worse this time somehow. Like I said before, I wouldn't do anything before the funeral anyway but, I can't vouch for afterwards. Who knows what depression etc has in store for any of us, from what I can tell, it never goes away :cry:

    Lea :hug: x x

    Last edited by a moderator: May 17, 2010
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    We all have crappy days Hun. Sometimes things just build up. We all need to experience all of our emotions.
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    thinking of you Lea....and understand how you feel ...living the same nightmare at the moment with my loss...pm anytime you need to talk....:hug:
  10. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Thanks IV2010 :hug:
    Lea x x
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Sis,
    I'm sorry to hear about your loss..I can see how it affects you..I lost my brotherinlaw last year and it was devastating..He was a great guy..You have us in your corner so don't be afraid to talk via PM.. I will answer as soon as I see it..You are loved and we won;t let you go..Your , Bro
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