We all have certain beliefs, whether it's their religion, their opinions on things, things we feel to be true deep down. I know my truth. I am a coward. I desperately want to stop the mental pain with endless sleep but I just haven't found the method I think I can go through with. My truth is that I'm also worthless. I am a drain on my soon to be ex-wife, my mother, and my sister. Short term, they would be sad, but long term, time erases their memory of me. I would not be a burden on them any more. I feel like it would actually give me some dignity and honor back. It would allow my wife to do what she has wanted for a long time, to be rid of me and my problems. It would allow my mother and sister a break from the endless venting. My wife is just too good hearted I guess to leave when she knows I have issues. I can take that decision out of her hands if I could just find the courage and do the right thing and die. I have nothing. And am nothing. Time to get on with the inevitable. Every single choice I make is wrong. My wife is so done with me and my wrong decisions, that she hardly even speaks or looks at me anymore. I know she hasn't left cause she doesn't want people to think she left me when I needed her the most. But this isn't her fault. It's mine. And the truth I know, deep in my gut, is that it's time to man up and do what need to be done. Thank you for your consideration to read this.