I know I can't say what I'm thinking anywhere where people who care can see it. Like facebook, although I so want to, but I know they will all worry, panic, say they want to help, but they are too far away, don't have the time, they tell me don't think like that, look at all the good you've had, remember the good times and they start to enumerate them, say there are worse people off than me, why are you complaining about, oh come on, it's not really like that, change your mind, all you have to do is not think about it etc...the list goes on of what people will say... I don't want to think of good things, I want to scream, I want to say I want to die, I want to smash my head against walls, I want to run into incoming traffic, I want lie in my bed and just do nothing. I am angry, sad, annoyed, I have no patience, I am in pain, I am tired, I can't concentrate, I can't work, I can barely think, I'm stuck there in my head, unable to move, only able to wait, wait until it's over...when is it going to be over, in two seconds, two minutes, two hours, two days, two months, two years, two decades? tomorrow will be better, really? how so? I've been ill for 16 years, how's that working for me?