I know I don't deserve help.
I'm the worst kind of person.
No-one knows me.
I have a wonderful family, fantastic husband, wonderful children. But no-one knows me.
2011 has been a hard year for me, I've never been this low before, and never understood people with suicidal feelings. But now I understand all too well. I can't control it, I can't snap out of it, and I am so scared.
My first thoughts of suicide were in April, but it was small, and hardly there, I controlled it. All I had to do was step off the balcony, close the blinds and not look at the lake.
But now it's daily, it's all day, every day. I'm hardly sleeping. And these thoughts are hard to fight... every day is a stuggle
I have a professional career, I'm not supposed to fall apart like this, but I'm in pieces... I don't know how i can go on... I love my family, I love my husband so much... but every moment of every day i wonder if he wouldn't be better off without me, i'm such a bad horrible person, he deserves better, i don't want to hurt him, but if i wasn't here anymore that would be easier than dealing with the person i am.
i hate myself
but i'm trying to fight it
i know suicide is not the answer, i know it would hurt him more
i've sought medical help, 60mg prozac per day, psychotherapy weekly, and gp only precribing meds weekly, but it's not helping, i'm getting worse... my plan is almost complete, i can't think of many more delaying tactics
and right now its so hard
I'm the worst kind of person.
No-one knows me.
I have a wonderful family, fantastic husband, wonderful children. But no-one knows me.
2011 has been a hard year for me, I've never been this low before, and never understood people with suicidal feelings. But now I understand all too well. I can't control it, I can't snap out of it, and I am so scared.
My first thoughts of suicide were in April, but it was small, and hardly there, I controlled it. All I had to do was step off the balcony, close the blinds and not look at the lake.
But now it's daily, it's all day, every day. I'm hardly sleeping. And these thoughts are hard to fight... every day is a stuggle
I have a professional career, I'm not supposed to fall apart like this, but I'm in pieces... I don't know how i can go on... I love my family, I love my husband so much... but every moment of every day i wonder if he wouldn't be better off without me, i'm such a bad horrible person, he deserves better, i don't want to hurt him, but if i wasn't here anymore that would be easier than dealing with the person i am.
i hate myself
but i'm trying to fight it
i know suicide is not the answer, i know it would hurt him more
i've sought medical help, 60mg prozac per day, psychotherapy weekly, and gp only precribing meds weekly, but it's not helping, i'm getting worse... my plan is almost complete, i can't think of many more delaying tactics
and right now its so hard