I know I Have Been Around for Ever and Rarely Post But...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Amanda, Jun 15, 2013.

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  1. Amanda

    Amanda Well-Known Member

    ...

    I have been around SF forever and rarely post anything but I guess Im back... I guess that also means that I am really rather bad at actually finishing a suicide...

    Anyway, so I had been doing pretty good. The police havent visited me since January 2013 - Until last night that is. Anyway yesterday was going fine and then it wasnt, and then I was in a world of crap up to my eyeballs and I didnt know what to do... So I misbehaved... So yesterday I texted a friend that I was going to eat a bunch of tablets and die. Anyway I figured that he was going to call the cops so I was listening to the police scanner so that I would know when they would be dispatched to my house. And the moment I heard the call go out over the radio I grabbed my purse and my knife, phone and keys and just started walking away from my house as fast as I could... But I realized pretty quick like within 5 minutes that a) I didnt have anywhere to go and more importantly b) that I just moved in and that if the police came to my house that my landlord would find out and I would get evicted being that I have only lived here for like 12 days. So I called 911, and told the dispatcher who I was and that the police had been dispatched to my house and I had heard it over the scanner. And then I told her I was armed. So anyway I ended up meeting the police at the fire station down the street and I pulled out my knife but they werent having any of it so the one cop pulled out pepper spray and the other guy his collapsable baton. And so like I knew they werent going to kill me and I didnt want to get a beat down so I gave up my knife... Anyway they called the ambulance to come in as it had been staging down the block waiting for the scene to be cleared and deemed safe.

    So I go by ambulance to the hospital and the triage nurse starts taking information and then she wants me to hand over my purse... Im not keen on that idea as I have a huge bottle of tablets and another knife in there... So she tells me that if I dont they will call security. And so I tell her to go ahead and call security so as soon as she turns to make the call I grab my bag and book it out of the hospital and down into downtown.

    So now Im downtown, and quite obviously the cops are going to be looking for me. So I made a choice I figured I could go down and grab a drink and eat all my tablets (in hindsight I wish I had chosen that option) or I could walk over to the police station and turn myself back in... So I went and turned myself back in and they put me in handcuffs this time and so I got taken back to the hospital in cuffs and they bring me in and put me in conference type room under police guard. and I wait and finally someone from mental health comes and I talked to her for like an hour.

    I really didnt want to go to the psych ward so I told them everything that they wanted to hear. I have to call this after hours mental health number at 9:00AM now today and tomorrow or they will put out a warrant for my arrest under the mental health act and I have to go see intake first thing monday morning to get hooked up with a psychiatrist and stuff.

    Anyway, they confiscated my two knives and they confiscated a brand new large bottle of tablets... I just want to go and buy some more tablets and finish the job.
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am really sorry things are so painful for you. I really hope that something good can come of this. eg good help from someone who really cares. I am amazed that the people you saw at the hospital let you go home. That doesnt happen in the US. Glad though that you will be getting some help. I hope its good help. Something that is actually useful for you ! Stay safe.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    So many cries for help hun and i too do not understand why they let you go home I ho pe you stay here and talk to us ok we here your cries hun and we see you Please don't harm you again hugs
     
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