Hi all, Since I was very young (about 3/4) I've always been obsessed with wanting to kill myself and have always been very depressed. I've gone through so many "recoveries" I know that whenever I'm feeling happy, it won't last long. I've tried being positive but it has always ended in shambles. My point in this is that I know that the way I die will not be natural. I'm so very almost definite about this, I cannot describe it. I know that in the end, I will get to a point that I will attempt it, and either succeed or not. If I do, great. If not, I'll try again soon enough after that. If I get sectioned (which seems pretty likely) then I'll take whatever they throw at me, get discharged and then try it again. I've been on AD's for a good few years now and they still have yet to do anything about my suicidal ideology. I've tried therapy, that never helped. The reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I'm just waiting until a time when I can do it and be done with it, not worry about hanging around unnecessarily or getting people angry at me. If you read this thanks and sorry for wasting your time, I really don't even know what help this will provide for anyone. [NOTE] I rewrote this a couple of times (so apologies for any breaks in reading flow) because I tried rephrasing a section but in the end took it out because I know if I say it people will think I'm a monster.