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i know im being selfish...

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vbuk

Staff Alumni
#1
hey,

i just feel like writing something. i feel so so close but dont know what to do. i think im close to doing sumthing cos i cant cope. im reall finding it hard to deal with.

last night my grandad went into hospital. mum said he was bad - n that he wud die if they didnt take him to hospital.

i just went to see him. i cant stop shaking. i feel so selfish - i barely talked to him.

he is on oxygen n he refuses to keep it on all the time. he can barely breathe and cant talk. they think he cud have had a stroke. im so so scared.

i cant cope at all. i need to be strong for my family but im in pieces. i feel like just escaping but i cant do that. ive prob put this in the wrong place - i just needed to write. to an extent i wish i was dead but cant do that.

my ex was the only person i feel i can talk to about this - who wud prob make me see whats happening cos i dont understand. she wud explain it but now she doesnt want to know me. i know why n i understand totally and dont blame her. i just got nowhere to turn. i dont understand n e thing.

all i know is that he is dying. i know it. and theres nothing i can do to stop it. i just wanted to give him a hug n tell him i loved him. i dont want him to die. i am so so scared.

i love him
 
#2
You're not being selfish Clare :hug:

Y'know you can always turn to me :)

:hug: :hug:

Can't you give him a hug hun.... you're not being selfish, I didn't speak much at all with my nan when she was dying .... I didn't want to lose her either :hug:
 

vbuk

Staff Alumni
#3
i cant give him a hug - he cant move. i cant cope. i gave him a kiss n he waved as i was leaving. he was crying most the time we were there. i didnt know what to say or do but i didnt want to leave him
 

Ruby

Well-Known Member
#5
This situation happens to lots of people. Why would you want to die? Your Grandad wouldn't want that, would he? Please try to rationalise your thoughts and think with more optimism. Things get better. They have to, especially if your contemplating suicide.
 
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