I know ive been away for a while...(might trigger)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by 2-D, May 10, 2008.

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  1. 2-D

    2-D Well-Known Member

    I dont know where to turn anymore, I just feel that I cant tell my parents i cut (mainly my arms around my wrists, my palms, the backs of my hands and more recently up near the sholder), Since last posting here, I have finally dropped out of college, but when ever i think about some of the loved ones that have passed on, i just feel ashamed and just want to cut (which recently has been a fair few times) - I start work this coming wednesday (at macdonalds) which i dont think is the best place as ill be having to wear a T-shirt so most of my cuts will be on show (not to mention the ones on my palms will probs kill like hell) - I feel as if ive got nothing to live for, no reason to continue to exist, but i just dont have the guts to do anything to try and end it, regaurdless of what i think i might try =[

    I dont see a councilor or shrink/theraphist cause i know i would just not open up to them, i dont even talk to my parents when i can help it - i just fob them off with excuses most of the time, for example, I recently kinda had a major falling out with my (at the time) best friend, but my folks dont know this so i just say that he is always busy with college work when ever they ask.

    I just dont know what to do any more, would the world really be better off with out me:sad:

    *RANT OVER*
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    No it wouldn't because you fill a unique place in this world. One only you can fill. Hun you may think you wont open up to a counsellor but you wont know for sure unless you try. I never thought I would either and actually for the 1st few visits I didn't. But you become comfortable knowing that there is someone who will listen and try to help you through some of the crap you're trying to deal with. Even if they are getting paid to do it, it's better than what you have now. Atleast that's how I look at it. As for your scars I dont know what to tell you. I have been a cutter for 7 years now. And yes I used to hide my scars and be embarrassed by them. But now I dont care. They are there because I suffered and still do suffer. I'm not ashamed of my pain it's a part of me just like the scars. So if people want to know the real me, they have to deal with my scars just like I have had to. Yep, lots of them are shocked by them or cant understand them and react accordingly. But they are me, no changing that fact so everyone has to just get used to them like they do me. Just explain them to your boss so that he/she understands and maybe between the two of you a resolution can be reached. But dont let them get to you, use your scars as something to grow personally from. Good luck and if you ever need to chat or vent or need someone to lean on, pm me hun.
     
  3. 2-D

    2-D Well-Known Member

    yeah, I may occupy a unique place in this world, but i just feel that it would actually be a matter of indifference if i was here or not - i know the future is not planned or anything but there is a high chance that i wont be doing that much good in this world in the future (or bad for that matter, i aint a crook or law breaker), so i just dont (as of yet) understand my purpose, my reason to exist *sigh* - as for seeing a councillor is that - i dont know, its just that i dunno, i just find it harder to talk to someone if they are sitting in front of me, questioning me and looking down their nose at me =[, as i said im still hiding my scars (wearing jumpers/coats - even in the hot weather) - and since when i first got the job, ive been kinda fretting about if i should tell my boss or not >.<; and its just driving my up the wall. How do u mean 'Grow from them' (sorry, not 100% sure what u mean on that one :( ) and thanks for the offer, and the reply
     
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