I know I am going to do it. I just don't know when. I don't want to kill myself, but I know it is coming. I need help but cannot go to the hospital. NO ONE has any answers to this panic except do a hobby or go to the movies. I need a serious way for human contact or talk, not a hotline which makes it worse. I have no family or friends. This forum may not be the place, does anyone know anything that is not a hotline and not so restricted of topic of death? I already know how so I do not need help with how to kill myself. I do not want a pro-suicide place. I want to stop this hopeless feeling of life is over and the panic times when it is sending me over the edge more than once a day. I took the depression test and scored 100. I am not rich. I need to find a reason to live that is not GOD. I do not believe in praying. Does anyone else feel this way? Have you lived a long life this way? I am over 50 and depressed 30 years.