I know this sounds stupid, but I really don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Eleventyone, Jul 16, 2012.

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  1. Eleventyone

    Eleventyone Member

    I've been feeling depression and anxiety for an incredibly long time now. Getting laid off and mom and dad trying to kick me out of the house despite the lack of a job market here has made it worse. Lately, I've suddenly started getting the urge to cause harm to myself...I usually take care of it easily by talking to other about it and taking my mind off it. Well...not too long ago...and yes, I know this sounds really stupid...I just leaped out of bed and started attacking myself. Punching, clawing, slapping, trying to choke myself...and I don't really expect the hits coming. It's like I'm in a fight with myself. It's very odd, I know...I've never had this happen.

    Perhaps it is my final battle?
  2. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Oh, so I'm not the only crazy one then! Yes, I've done that too. In fact, I started a thread here about it...


    It's not odd... well, maybe it is, but at least you're not alone. I highly doubt it's your final battle, I've been doing that for years... since I was a teenager, in fact. I don't do it often, but whenever I am extremely frustrated with my life and with myself, I have a tendency to haul off and punch myself... and I have scratched myself and choked myself as well, among other things. For me at least, it's a combination of anger issues, self loathing, venting frustrations and wanting to both kill and be killed... when I'm that upset, it's not enough to just commit suicide, I actually want to murder myself, with my bare hands. Yeah, it probably sounds odd and really stupid to somebody who can't relate... but trust me, it's not just you. I can relate.
  3. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I don't think it is your final battle by a long shot - but reinforcements might come in handy. Do you have anybody to talk to about these things? We are always here to lend advice and support as well...

    Take Care and Be Safe

  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    One of my friends slaps herself in the face when she gets mad and really punches herself hard, it's scary to watch. Just know that you are definitely not alone with this. I guess it's a form of self harming. Are you on any medications, see a therapist? etc..
  5. underwoman

    underwoman Active Member

    I'm sorry to see that you are experiencing difficulties at the moment, but I don't believe this is your final battle.

    Whenever I've been really angry, I've punched myself or harmed myself in other ways - so in that sense you're not alone... I'd suggest that you try and implement some new strategies so you can stop taking your anger out on yourself! Maybe try punching a pillow or biting it, screaming, scribbling on a piece of paper or a chalk board, maybe even getting a punching bag. Find something that is comfortable for you :)
  6. x BrokenBabydoll x

    x BrokenBabydoll x Well-Known Member

    I don't think it's your final battle, but perhaps things have reached a breaking point inside your head and this is your mind fighting to find a way to survive. I gave myself a terrible black eye last year, didn't feel like I was in control of myself at all when I did it, I couldn't open my eye properly for days and my eye and cheekbone were bruised for a good couple of weeks, particularly inconvenient as I was living in a womens refuge, I didn't want to say it was me because I thought they would think I was crazy so I told them I fell over on my way home while I was drunk, pretty sure they didn't believe me lol. Anyway, I digress, my point is that maybe things are just particularly bad for you at the moment, our minds work in strange and often unnerving ways and will do whatever it can for self-preservation. I think underwoman has some really good advice on how to cope when you lose control and think you might hurt yourself, I find myself punching my bed, pillows even the walls in a frenzy sometimes, but it's better than hitting myself. I hope you feel better soon <3 x
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