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I know what I am supposed to do ...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Dewonderland, Feb 13, 2015.

  1. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    ... I know what I should do.

    But somehow it's like I am a permanent fail.
    Or not that much 'like' but just I permanently fail.

    I finally kept on fighting and got a new job but I won't be authorized to start this job over there if my twisted previous boss don't give me the official form saying I am not working for them anymore.
    I don't understand why people can be so evil deep down inside to try to break people again and over again.
    Like, they didn't pay me all the hours I've done, I had some days working 9 hours straight without a break because they suppressed it. I never complained.
    I was about to get away with this. But now they keep on preventing me to move on.

    I am tired of all those fight every day, every time ... I feel like I don't deserve happiness maybe.

    So with all the stress building up I end up buying a bag of donuts and eating it all.
    Now I still feel like my life is falling apart and plus I feel ugly, fat and ashamed to be so weak that I always run away into food.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 13, 2015
  2. trinisty

    trinisty Well-Known Member

    Hello! Hopefully your problems are come to an end soon.

    I can't help much about your problems, but maybe this will help you :)

    You... and every single person on Earth, deserves happiness. It might not come like foods you order on Drive-Through, some people have to struggle really hard to achieve happiness. But... it is never impossible. Maybe I know nothing about jobs, because I'm still in college ><, but maybe you can talk to other employee or maybe other companies that you interested about your "boss"? Explain to them what's wrong with the relation between you and your boss. Explain to them that this isn't something that you want.

    It will over soon, trust me. If you have hard times, you share every moment in here. Maybe we can help you, or maybe it can ease your sadness down. Plus, you are not ugly. The reason why we, humans, tend to eat so much when in a lot of pressure or stress, is because eating release Dopamine (happy chemical). But the source for releasing Dopamine isn't always eating, one alternative is exercise. I know it seems weird, because for some people exercise is like torture. I'm not saying you should run a marathon, just jog for 15-20 minutes. Feel your sweat, run and smile. I'm not a fit guy, I'm a chubby guy as well, haha. I always do a quick jog for 30 minutes whenever I'm in pressure. Trust me... it works!

    Anyway, we love you! Have a great day!
  3. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    Hello Trinisty,

    Thank you for your answer.
    I am all up and down but recently there are a lot of down and I can't really feel the happiness of the up;
    It's like seeing a party from a distant place.

    But thank you for your world.
    And actually it's funny because tonight, before I could even go back to my place from work I ust quickly pass on a jogging, not even changing T-shirt, ust pants and shoes to run and I went for a small jogging. Maybe somehow your good wibes reached me.

    Thank you for your support I had to let everything out.
    What hurt me the most is to see people who keep on destroying other people for no reason ... what the meaning of this.
    They make the world all wrong.
    It makes me feel like I can't live in a world like this.

    But it's good to see people who can be nice as freely.
    Maybe I'll try to focus on that today.

    Thank you again.
  4. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    It's more likely I need to let it out but I won't open a new thread for that.

    So I went to Mordor today (aka my former work place) to get an answer from my boss who doesn't answer my mail !
    I am so angry and frustrated.

    Like even through all the shit I behaved and act like a good girl.
    Just because I don't want to hurt people if there's a way for things to go smoothly.

    They didn't pay me the extra hours.
    I didn't say anything. Once I had no break at all the whole work day 9hours straight but I didn't complain.
    When I left I explained them nicely how to keep up and take back the work I was doing. Explaining nicely and precisely.

    And now I need them to fill out a form for official procedure (I won't get into that much details ... it's boring) and it's been 10 days they don't even answer my mail !
    I went to that place today and that shitty boss is so sure all they do is fair and normal.

    I hate this.
    It turns me all upside down.
    I think I am not crazy and I am pretty sure I am right but it's like you're talking to a wall and it's scary to see people like this.
    To see such people exists.
    How do we do to go on in that kind of world.

    It breaks me and I feel small and defensless and I just want to cry and hide away for whatever is left of my life ... because I hate this world.

    Right now I am all stressed and frustrated.
    I know it's just a small kind of depression ... it's nothing. I should ust forget about it or whatever.
    I know ... but it doesn't ease the fear away.

    I fight to not run into food right now. v_v
  5. trinisty

    trinisty Well-Known Member

    Sorry for your struggle right now, and sorry if I don't help that much.

    Some people were born jerks... well... it's just a reality. To me, you are not wrong, you did the right thing for yourself and you tried your best. But trust me, not ALL people are like that, some people are nice too, so the world isn't that bad or evil. I don't have any experience with that kind of situation, but my brother had one. He started to work at company and the boss was like... it's way worse than crap. He literally ripped my brother off, making him worked more, and got paid less. He was so pissed off that he literally told his new boss about everything about his old boss.

    Like I said, I'm still in college so I don't really know much about jobs, so I apologize if I can't help you with that. Maybe some other members can do that. Anyway, what I can help you is... you are not defenseless. Actually you are a strong person, you did something right, and you fought for yourself. Don't look at your result, but look at your effort to achieve that. You're amazing right? If I were in your situation, I don't think that I could do such things. Trust me, it may be the hardest moment in your life, but soon you will find the way out. Hold on okay? Please don't run into food, I'm not saying you shouldn't eat, but too much food is just bad for you. I don't want you to have health issues. Oh, beside jogging, I usually sing stupidly loud in my room to ease the pain.

    Hope you are well, sweetheart. Love you! Have a great day.
  6. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Feel like shit again !

    I want to be able to have a good day and enjoy it.

    I feel like all I can do is barely get back on my feet (knees ?) and then get smashed flat to the floor again.

    I have to learn to enjoy the good things and stand up facing the mess.
    You know those times when you feel you weren't ready to live in this world anyway because you obviously can't deal with it because your life is a permanent problem you have to solve approximatively so you can go on until tomorrow when you will be able to ... try to barely make it through the next day and so on ...
    But I have to believe I will make it through.

    Yesterday one more stressfull day and so flying through the food to eat 3 days food in ... one night !

    I bloody hate myself.
    Please don't answer telling me it's okay and that I have excuses.

    I might be in stressful times but please kick me so I stop misbehaving with myself.