I know you get this a lot...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by h3s0nf1re, Nov 12, 2007.

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  1. h3s0nf1re

    h3s0nf1re New Member

    I'm Daryl. I am 18 years old. I am suicidal. See, when I was growing up, my sister was my best friend. She was the only one in my family who saw me as something more than a spaz. Everyone else spoke down to me and never took me seriously, but not her. She was my absolute best friend. Only a couple months after my 10th birthday, my brother received a call saying my sister had been hit by a car and was rushed to the hospital. She died later that night in the ICU, holding my hand.

    I managed to get through it alright through the years, or so I thought. Everyone would always say "Daryl, you're so brave. How are you so strong" See, everyone expected me to be the strong one in this, so all i could do was that. I felt I had to be the one that made sure everything was okay, that made everyone feel better, while ignoring my own pain. my own grief and anguish inside of me.

    I've taken care of myself emotionally for 8 years in the best ways possible. I never saw a therapist. Don't get me wrong I have a lot of good friends that I can talk to about this and vent and get my feelings out, but that only seems to go so far. I am an aspiring actor and I feel my sisters death is posing to be a big hindrance on my abilities. I've recently moved out of my hometown where all of this went down, to see if I got away from it maybe it would help some. But most recently ive had thoughts of just ending it. And its weird because I know there are other ways through it, its not that. its just I'm so tired of working so much harder than I should have to. I just want a break. I just want some closure, some sanity. I'm tired of having to go through this alone; I'm tired of having to be the strong one, I need to be weak for once.

    I am so sorry if this post is so long, or if this is the wrong place to give such detailed information, but I just had to say it all. I really hope everyone understands. thank you
     
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    hi , man i feel your pain and i know how hard it is to appear to be strong when you don't want to.
    you have been like this for 8 years so yes maybe it is about time you show some weakness, it would have been expected long ago my friend.

    there is no shame in this, i have shown it when i could and i have cried, its normal and understandable.

    doubt i can say much to make you feel better but you are not alone here, always someone to talk to here.
    i understand you want to end the pain but and i hope i haven't gone too far with this but what would your sister say if she knew you were going to give up acting which i think is something you enjoy.

    just a thought daryl.

    sorry if i over stepped the mark.
    be safe
     
  3. h3s0nf1re

    h3s0nf1re New Member

    Thank you very much andyc68. you didn't overstep anything. All I really needed was feedback, in any form. I appreciate it.
     
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