I learned something about myself tonight...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by zetaf, Jul 23, 2008.

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  1. zetaf

    zetaf Well-Known Member

    I strive to find what makes each person around me special... if I think someone is attractive, I let them know. I tell them they are beautiful. I listen to them if they are feeling down and hide my own sadness and offer anything I can to make it easier for them... I genuinely just want people to be happy.

    But the reason I do this isn't because I'm just a good person... it's because I know what it's like to never be complimented. I know what it's like to be completely fucked up and worthless. I know how it feels to never be loved, to have terrible incurable health problems, to be a drug addict, to be in extreme physical and emotional pain and all I want is for other people not to feel this way. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

    I wish loving others was enough to be loved, but it isn't. It really isn't. I know this... but I can't accept it because it's too painful.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 23, 2008
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's good that you are aware of the troubles and pains life can throw at us and that you strive to be a better person. I think being caring and loving to others can be more then enough to be loved but at the same time it also comes down to the individual.
  3. zetaf

    zetaf Well-Known Member

    I can be genuinely altruistic... completely sincere... and I'm still never good enough ever. I don't want to believe that it's out of my control... but my very best falls short...

    my love is unwanted... there's something wrong with me. There is no other explanation.
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's easy to place the blame on yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, you just haven't met the right person. You have good qualities in which someone one day will truly see that.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Good Morning Zetaf,
    Don't let others negative actions bring you down. It is refreshing to read about someone who has made positive progress. Conradgulation on learning what will help you and for throwing out all the other crap.
    Keep up the good work and be happy!! As long as you put out positive vibes you should see peoeple drifting your direction and it is an offer to make friends....:chopper:...
  6. zetaf

    zetaf Well-Known Member

    I've been this way for sooo long... people don't want my love... and people definitely don't want to love me. It's shattering my heart and it's the reason i need drugs to distract myself from it. I can feel myself dying and doctors just confirm it... i can't sleep i'm so sick over it. Why can't I just fucking hug someone? I don't even know what it feels like to be loved. I've never even come close... but it's all I fuckin want. Know what I mean? I feel so fucking pathetic.
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Awww, hun...... :sad: :hug: PM me if you'd like to talk. Always around if you want or need to talk, hun.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You know Zetaf there are alot of people in this world, and from what they say no two are alike. Give yourself credit for wanting to help others. Not to many people that are still that way. Greed and violence have taken over alot of them.
    You know you probably should think about volunteering somewhere, like a homeless shelter, or a nursing home. I think you would do good and they would be thankfull for every thing you do for them. Just think about it. Take Care and I do care about what happens with you!!:chopper:
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hey Zetaf. Long time no see. I hope things are gettting better with you healthwise. As for being loved, I'm sure someone will love you for who you are eventually.
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