I let him die

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Forgotten_Man, Dec 11, 2010.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :cry: So I make it home from my vacation only to get a text from my roommate saying one of my cats is dead. :depressed: I knew it was true when I walked in the door and he did not try and escape. :cry: I let him die, I should have taken him to the vet. I should have not listened to my roommate tell me he was just fine. :cry: I should have taken him to the vet to see what those skin tacts were. :cry: I should have taken him to the vet when he was stuffy :cry: I should have never listened to my roommate.

    Right now that half of a liter of Vodka is looking really good. :depressed: what a wonderful thing to come home too.
  2. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to hear this. It is so painful to lose a pet we loved, and I'm so sorry that you feel responsible. There are so many 'what ifs' and 'I should have' in life, but we can never know. It sounds as though your cat didn't seem to be all that sick before you left, so you can't be blamed for this. For all you know, the vet may have said the same as your roommate.

    I've been in just the same position. I had a rabbit who I loved dearly, and she had two tumours. I could tell something was wrong, but it was months before it was finally disagnosed, and I felt so responsible because I had let her live in pain for so long. Incidentally, at first the vet said there was nothing wrong, and then said it was her teeth and did an unneccessary op on the poor thing. So you can never know what would have happened.

    Please don't blame yourself.

  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Madam Mim: It is hard not to blame myself when I have a man-child for a roommate. A guy who can barely take care of himself, let alone another life. :( It just bums me out I was looking forward to seeing him.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm very sorry for your loss. i lost my cat a few years back. i loved that cat and was very sad that he died. we were never sure what happened to him, did he fall out of an upstairs window or was he hit by a car. either way his injuries were too great. i feel alot of guilt for not taking better care of him (making sure that window was closed before i left the house that day). hopefully you can learn to forgive yourself.
  5. Cute_Angel_Xx

    Cute_Angel_Xx Account Closed


    Don't blame yourself. You didn't know you couldn't do anything abot it looseing a close pet can be hard to get over but it will ease it always hard looseing someeone close to you *hug* always here for you x
  6. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    It's terrible to lose a pet and we always wonder if we could have made their lives better in some way. Its part of the grieving process. Because you weren't there, you feel guilty and you'd bound to translate that guilt into 'I could have saved...'
    You're going through a natural mourning process but it will pass. The reality is that it was your pet's time to die and that's really sad but it's part of life. We don't get to keep them forever. You get to keep the memories though and I can remember every cat and rabbit I've ever owned and all the joy they brought to me.
    In time you'll be able to celebrate the life instead of mourning the death but its a slow process.
    Sending hugs xxxx
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the love all... I know that pets die... I just know he was also too young to just up and die. He was only 12. He always seemed healthy. Anyway I am going to go back to taking a nap... hopefully I can sleep the day away.
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry about your cat FM...don't blame yourself... humans can also die young, suddenly and without a previous condition.
    and cats cant tell us how they're feeling so it's not your fault
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Sorry to hear about your cat dying, but at least you have other cats who need you. :hug:
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the support guys. After some more sleep and eating, I am feeling a little better. It still hurts though... I wish I could have done something.
  11. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you're feeling a bit better and managed to get some sleep. It will hurt for a while, and you must understand that you are allowed to grieve for your cat.

    I know you feel responsible, but keep reminding yourself that you couldn't have known what was wrong. Animals try their best to hide any weakness, so how could you have imagined he was so sick?

    12 is not a bad age for a cat, and from about 12 onwards they tend to get sick a lot, so in a way he has been spared from that suffering.

    Keep looking after yourself.

  12. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So, my roommate said that the vet believes that the kitty died of a Heart attack. Oh well luckily tomorrow I get to jump right back into my stressful life.
  13. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    If it was a heart attack, there was absolutely nothing you could have done. Even if the attack was prompted by an underlying condition or something (as you said he seemed ill before) then the vet couldn't have helped anyway. I hope this helps you understand that you are not to blame for this. There is nothing you could have done.

    I'm sorry that all this has happened now, when you're supposed to be relaxed after your holiday, and now you have to go back to reality, but grieving as well. I wish I could help more.

  14. Atompilz

    Atompilz Well-Known Member

    Hi FM
    I am so sorry for your loss. I too just lost my beloved girl cat the 14th October, only 8, and have been struggling to come to terms with it. I really know how hard it is and all the grief feelings you go through are the same process as when we lose a human. Guilt and blaming yourself are all part of it and asking yourself if you could have done something. I know as I replayed the events over and over in my head wondering if I did anything wrong or could have done more. Unlike you I witnessed my baby fall off the sofa and have a fit, (never had any health problems before)I held her and when the fit stopped she had gone :( I tried cat CPR and rand round the corner to the vets, they tried to revive her but it was no good. I felt sick, in shock, was crying and screaming, didn't eat for a week, just slept to escape the pain. Despite all the shit I have had in my life I have to say that was the worst day and feeling of my life as I have depended on my two cats so much as a result.

    I am not saying this to upset you more just to show you I empathise and sympathise and that even if you had been there and tried to save the little kitty it doesn't stop all the feelings of guilt and blaming yourself. The vet thinks mine had a stroke and with strokes and heart attacks for cats it is very fast so your little one wouldn't have suffered and is at peace now. Although I am glad I was with mine it actually makes it harder in some ways as you witness the panic, feel helpless and can't do anything to save them and keep reliving those last moments so perhaps in some ways it is good you were saved from that part.

    Your kitty knew you loved them, cats are very choosy who they like so they don't just love everyone like most dogs do. When I was dealing with the pain I found this website very useful, www.catchat.org/forum in the grief section The Rainbow Bridge, it is an English site and everyone is cat mad and people really helped me there. It may not be your thing but it literally saved my life as I had noone to lean on in real life. I think a lot of us here rely on animals for a lot as many have trust issues or social issues with humans so they mean a lot to us.

    On a positive note which may make you smile I decided to find a new companion for my boy cat who seemed to be missing his sister. I have just adopted the fattest 2 year old half persian cat, who if she was human she would be on this forum! Abandoned by owners, lived on the streets then beat up by kids with sticks and now terrified of everyone! She has only been in my spare room adapting for 4 days and already is relaxing and trusting me more each day. There is hope for us all. :) When I went to collect her I fell in love with another cat (only went for one!) who is a pampered puss whose owners had to leave the country. I ummed and arred over it and I am going to pick her up in 3 days!! She is 12 so I am hoping she still has a while as I love her already. Some people believe something good always comes out of something bad, so maybe the fact my gorgeous kitty inevitably died meant I then went to rescue another cat and ended up saving two! I am not sure how it wil go integrating them all though but am doing things slowly! ;)

    I am crazy about cats so if ever you want to chat about your loss let me know. Big hug.X
  15. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Madam Mim: :lol!: my vacation was anything but relaxing. However, it was a good life experience. I got a chunk of my grieving out of the way the night I posted this thread. I am glad to have the stress of work to distract me. That night was the first night I had fallen into a suicidal depression like that in several months. I was overcoming a lot, and that one night set me back a lot.

    I miss him, the house is empty without a big black fuzzy cat trying to escape everytime I open the front door. Or running around trying to trip me. Or just being loud. However, I do not want to fall back down to where I was just a few months ago. I have worked so hard. So anything to get my mind off of him is what I need.

    Atompilz: Thanks for sharing hun. In many ways I am glad he was gone by the time I got home. I had a 19 year old kitty who was sickly and dying. She was so weak she could not even jump into her litter box. So my mom, who was her care taker, decided it was time for her to go to sleep. I requested to be present, and got to hold her as they put her down. At the time I thought it was a good thing I got myself there. I just needed to take off my seatbelt and find a wall. Somehow I managed to get home, and managed to hide huddle up in a ball until those feelings passed. It was easier because my now ex was there to comfort me.

    I do intend to get another kitty some day. However, I have other goals to pull me out of my depression first. Plus, I do not want to adopt another kitty and then lose my roommate and have him take his kitty with him. So I am holding off on getting another kitty for a while. I have to think about myself and I cannot afford the deposit on a kitty just yet.

    However, one day I will have another fuzzy kitty of my very own to love. Thanks for the site, I will look into it. :sweat: just what I need another forum. Again thanks for the story.
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